Some questions (with answers)

As I prepare for the next great thing that comes along, I enjoy looking at questions and wondering if I am willing to live the freedom and have the creativity to be who I am upfront, or if I have become so stifled by convention that I run on auto-pilot? I might be a bit smart aleck, but rarely sarcastic or flippant. Here goes:

What goal have you achieved that you are proud of?
I have quit lots of jobs. While I am willing to go to work, I have limited tolerance for stupidity, ignorance, meanness or disrespect of other people’s choices, particularly in the areas or race, creed, gender expression, sexual choices, or ideas. I also leave personal relationships for the same reasons. I enjoy knowing different people and sharing thoughts and ideas, but we must make space to differ without being ugly.
I have had lots of lovers; all different races, sizes and gender expressions. This has allowed me great freedom in extending love, attention, and affection toward others. It also means I understand how we all get to be loved.
I have figured out how to be completely pleased with myself and how I live my life.I know how to manage my needs and desires. I am willing to hold out the possibility of more.

How have you elevated another from mediocrity to greatness?
Complete attention without distraction to the most intimate details of the moment opens the Divine path from here to eternity. I can do that.

How would you spent an ideal day off with no financial limits?
I would wake bright and early. Begin my day with deep breathing, mediation, and then a cup of coffee on the deck (or somewhere outside). An hour later I would be in a Power Yoga class at YTTP.  Next, lunch at Pakwan’s, followed by the afternoon at the spa. I would have the entire treatment - sauna, dip, sugar rub, massage, hot tub. I would have a late dinner of raw juice and fresh fruit. Dessert of dark chocolate and raspberry wine. This is an idea day to share with a friend.

If you could high-five anyone, who would it be?
Rumi. Yeah, I know it will have to wait, but I admire his deep devotion to the Beloved, his deeply sensuous presence and unfailing love of all.

What is a quote to live by?
To be without some of the things you want is an indispensable part of happiness.

What are you most passionate about?
Living freely - freedom to follow my heart, to pursue ideas, be creative, live and love well. Yoga, too.

What do you want to be remembered for?
I’m thinking great sex; but more, in that I gave another excellent, undivided attention that they were elevated beyond their previous understanding of themselves and the world (in and out of bed).
I said what I meant. I did meant what I said. And I did what I said I was going to do.

What is the theme song of your life?

The Core

Yesterday I spent a session activating my core – squeezing the abdominals, lifting the muscles, wrapping the obliques.  While these are neither new terms nor techniques, personal attention to the task makes all the difference. This was my first session with the Pilates instructor.  Months ago I bought a group coupon online for three sessions in a reformer studio. It looked like a good deal and I was excited to check it out. Turns out it was better than I imagined. Specifically, each student is required to have an introduction and assessment before they are allowed to attend the group reformer classes. While I thought I knew what was expected and what I was doing, it turns out that if someone is holding a stick to my spine, there’s a bit more engagement to reach for.

Our time together included the studio tour, equipment information, instructional cues, and then the assessment. At the end, I was sweating up a storm, much like I had been though a full workout. I appreciated the time and attention the instructor gave to tweak my body alignment and encourage my effort in the movement. I thought I would go for my coupon sessions and then work on my own, but I can see the advantage of having direct support as I learn to self-adjust.

Between sessions at the studio, I will practice on my Total Gym. Yes, I bought it. Not the fancy dancy one, though it still exist in my longing, but a basis model that will allow me to follow along at home. I had been working out with the arm exercises and some legs up for core, but after my studio instruction it takes very little to feel great effort. 

In other areas, I am exploring my passion for writing. My desire to write extends back into childhood, though it was not safe to write outside of school projects. During my early college years I kept extensive personal journals and the poetic sagas of a young woman’s heartbreak. I’ve attended several writing workshops and classes and even as I recognize this shift in work priorities, I am drawn to return to the passion of my core. 

I used to imagine I would sit at my desk, tall glass of whiskey and ice, wearing a white lace slip, drunk and writing – alone in the house. Turns out I don’t  make a bit of sense when I drink and write. Pages of rambling without a thread to pull, not a shred to connect one thought to another. It’s a dream I let be.

Ten weeks to go. Two months until I give notice. It seems my list of things to do is growing so that I know I must find a way to live this life I imagine. There are books and blogs and articles to write, photographs to take and post, videos to make, skirts to sew, rooms to paint, bread to bake, crocheting, dancing, playing, gardening, traveling, singing, leaping and shouting for joy! Oh, and teaching – my heart yearns to teach. 

Even though I thought I was working from my core, given a bit of personal attention, I could feel so much more depth, both in that session and as I have continued this walk through life. 

I am alive at my core.

I live and move from my core.

I am awake and aware at the core of my being.

Blessed be.

Day 96

100 days and counting

I choose to start my process of shifting toward a happier, healthier and more interesting life with a New Moon Fast. The theory is that one begins the fast with the first 24 hours of the New Moon, taking in only water and fruit juice. Fasting during the syzygies of the moon allows the lunar gravitational pull to assist in the detoxification process, jumpstarting the removal of toxins from the body.  This worked well as my time began on Saturday and I had been up the night before working. I enjoyed my morning yogurt and lunch then took a nap for the mid-day. When I woke I wasn’t hungry; this not my normal meal time. Thankfully, come the morning I was ready to enjoy my water and juice. The afternoon would bring lunch soon enough.

My big excitement for this time was to begin harvest of my potatoes. I have all those buckets I planted in hopes of feeding my world. I turned the first bucket to dump only a small cluster of Yukon Gold. Few. Not at all what I was expecting. The potatoes that grew had done so in the soil rather than continuing into the straw, which was to be my clean harvest. Next bucket, same find. I continued through four, total and then decided the others could wait until later in August. I replanted the tubers with buds back in an empty bucket and filled it with straw and soil. Second chances all around.

After soaking and washing my harvest, I sliced the Yukon Gold with onions, fresh garlic and green peppers and placed them to cook in the crock pot for the morning. The Red Kennebec I cooked and made potato salad. Both dishes are incredibly excellent. Whatever distress I felt about the size of the harvest has dissipated with the finished product. Next year we will just clean the soil from the crop and go for a full bucket.

I am rethinking my finances. For the most part, I have to give up shopping as a hobby. And I shop for a hobby – just for fun. I think everything I buy is terribly important and that’s the issue.  I was restocking the bathroom tissue and noticed I am down to my last eight rolls. Singles – I have no multi-pack left. Actual physical panic arose. I began to make a list of the supplies that are running low when I remembered that I am committed to spending less. If I want to leave my job on the decided date, no matter what, I will have to let go of my compulsion to keep my home stocked to the hilt.

Then while I was resting before work, reading, feeling amazed by the writing and the story, I rolled over and saw a note on my phone.  “Buy me this!” I leave these notes for myself so I can remember to buy things when I get home. Sometimes I find a deal that I don’t have time to purchase at work so I use a piece of colored tape as a cue. I jumped out of bed, went directly to my computer and began working on the order. I edited the cart a few times. As I was ready to pay I remembered that I didn’t need yet another whatcamacallit.  Good grief! I closed the browser, left the room and returned to my book. See, it’s an issue.

This is not about saving. It’s about not spending. I made a healthcare choice outside of my budget and now have to pay for it (credit card). I thought I had a decent handle on my finances and my debt, but with my last bill I see I was living in a bit of delusion. Nothing left to do but crawl out of this hole. I will use the money I am not spending as steps into the light.

Living debt free means I can mange my life on $12K a year. The rest is gravy. Getting there is my goal. The figure means absolutely ZERO DEBT. There will be no minimum payments. I will step up to the plate of delayed gratification, some more. I imagine I can find work to bring in that level of earnings and more. This next journey is toward finding what feeds my soul while maintaining my physical well-being. Until then, I have some feelings to move through – feelings around having enough, managing with what I already have and noticing that more will always come.

Each day, with its new opportunities, brings deeper joy and clear vision toward a purposeful life.

100 days… to Imagine, Dream, and Believe

I have purposed in my heart/mind to leave my current job by 15 November 2011. Toward that end I am focused on drawing into my life new and exciting ways to show up happier, healthier and far more interesting – and financially support my joy and passions.

Even though I pen these thoughts today, the new moon, a time of deep seeding begins on July 30. I have been consistent in my consideration of what may come, but will count the 100 days from the new moon. One hundred days of change and evolution, opening and receiving, growing and expanding.

This is my documentation of the journey.

To date, I have begun learning the Gayatri Mantra. I have considered it before, but hearing it repeatedly during the opening of Battlestar Galactica stimulated my research and drawing back. This mantra is considered the mother of all mantras providing hope, enlightenment, and protection. It is chanted morning, at noon, and evening. There are those who chant it continually as hope for healing the world. I am committed to chanting as often as possible.

The Gayatri Mantra

Om

át savitúr váreṇyaṃ

bhárgo devásya dhīmahi

dhíyo yó naḥ pracodáyāt

Translated:

We meditate on the transcendental Glory of the Deity Supreme, who is inside the heart of the earth, inside the life of the sky and inside the soul of Heaven.  May She stimulate and illuminate our minds.

I am returning to a daily yoga practice, without excuse or exception, for we are never too old, too tired, too sick, or too busy to find and focus on our breath, rest in the present moment, open to all possibility and be. Having cleared a space in my home, I roll out my mat, face east and open to illumination. This was most immediately prompted by a shift the healing of my body. I seemed to be getting better for some weeks only to have relapsed into more pain. It occurred (as in “Ah ha!”) that I needed more regular time on my mat, breathing and releasing. And so, I stepped up.

I am considering more creative ways to earn money, reworking my budget, considering what jobs I will consider and why (money is not enough). I am rethinking what I need versus what I desire. When I “feel” I need something, I imagine other ways of getting that need met. I spend every dollar as though it matters. It does.

To save money, I will place my membership to purchase music on hold and enjoy my free subscription to the latest rave for the six month intro period, along with my other favorite streaming site. I already own plenty of music to keep me satisfied for months and there is plenty of free music to download, as well.

Today I decided to sell some of my gadgets and gismos. I have had a tendency to buy nifty stuff and now own a Chi Machine, Shiatsu Massager, Acupressure mat, and more. I imagine there is someone locally who would love to try these products for less than the retail price. Craigslist, here I come.

When we desire something new, we must make space for it. I am clearing a path for greater expression of who I am. I must remove the clutter. Sometimes there are deep feeling associated with the shift, and then there are moments when I am certain of the next step. In my certainty I move, immediately.

I give in Love because I love to give. Giving to others, whether time, talent, or treasure, keeps us connected both to the human and Divine nature of us all. “Give and it shall be given to you- good measure, shaken down, and pressed together.” This is both dictate and promise. As we share that which we have been given we are reminded that we are mere vessels, channels, and conduits. We are not the storehouse. We all came here naked and empty handed. We will leave the same. While we wander this path, let us take notice of each other, extending beyond fear, and reach for the Light within.

Life belongs to the living, and he who lives must be prepared for change. (Johann Wolfgang van Goethe)

I am preparing for change.

I am open to change.

I recognize the growth potential in change.

Yours on the journey,

Maria

Begin

 There are all the “I’m gonnas” out there still waiting to get done. Denis Waitley calls them the “Someday I’ll” s. Someday I will (add you own dream/vision/idea). Then we keep waiting for someday to come. Occasionally we get a shove from the universe. Today, I can feel the gently nudging and am making preparations to move things along before I got shoved.  In a world where my greatest concerns were about the mundane things in my life, I am beginning to feel a bit of panic about moving faster than I had planned. Usually I save this intense energy for how I think I will feel when I am eighty-five and considering that I have lived a long and full life so may as well transition. Yeah, death. Swift. Intense. Immediate. Change.

In my heart of hearts, I know that I have survived numerous processes and changes over the last fifty years. The issue today seems to be that I am short of confidence. Perhaps I need a visit with someone other than the occupants in my head.

I left to visit my neighbor, who has similar priorities to mine, so that as I sit weeping she can reach for the deeper struggle and offer what might be the limiting fear. Sometimes we need reminders of how we have chosen to show up, even in the face of change. I find that my confidence is shored by a plan. Put into place some exacting, any exacting and go forth.

The ultimate plan is to leave my current job. In the recent weeks, I have changed the date from February 2012 to December 31, 2011; and now at November 1, 2011. The feeling is that my departure may be sooner than I plan. (No, wait, and out of my control.) In that case, until the day comes, I will activate my resources for the shift.

• ·        Revamp resume. Add current information to indicate increased skills.
• ·         Complete online applications for positions of interest.
• ·         Collect paper applications for companies not online.
• ·         Reconnect with those who can support work in my area.
• ·         Consider how far I might be willing to branch as I work toward my dream.
• ·         Make an honest financial assessment of current and future expenditures.
• ·         Keep going back, for a long as possible, until notice is served.
• ·         Count every day a victory. Celebrate completion of each shift. Be grateful.

A dream is your creative vision for your life in the future. You must break out of your current comfort zone and become comfortable with the unfamiliar and the unknown. - Denis Waitley

Now I have hit upon the core issue – beyond my control. So, let us launch forth joyously into the unfamiliar and the unknown.

Bright blessing along the way.

Namaste

Toward Being Happier, Healthier and Far More Interesting

We are reaching the half point in the year and while I stopped making my list of shifts and changes for the year, I have stayed on the task of addressing them. Per previous post, I have been working daily on clearing out the “extras” of my space. Just this week, I mailed a package to my eldest containing some items I bought for her, but also several samples I have gathered over the year, and a jar of my favorite body balm. I made it. I included a favorite exercise tank I am sure she will love. At least I hope so.

Until this week I have been enjoying the wines I already own and even choose a beer instead of shopping for replacements; until this week, that is. As I have been gardening and harvesting radishes daily, I needed to find recipes that would use my produce and decided to make radish pesto and pickled radishes. The pesto required I visit the grocer for a hard Italian cheese and bread on which to serve the spread. While heading to the check out, I noticed a clearance basket with SEVERAL wines. My heart skipped a beat! Initially, I selected a Riesling and walked away. It was a different brand than I drink, but the price was right. Then I noticed Montelle Winery selections on sale. Oh, my. While my favorite, a raspberry was not in the basket, there were peach and Himmelswein, which boast as crisp and racy with the aromas and taste of green apples and lemonade with hints of peaches and apricots in the background. I couldn’t pass up a try so I selected one for me, and one for each of my friends (that I share wine with – they need their own bottles.). I haven’t tried it yet as it is the beginning of the week and I am working to limit my drinking to more relaxed times.

I made the pesto and pickled radishes for work one night. I turned out very interestingly. It was hot, as in spicy and strong as in pungent, and very aromatic. Working at my desk smelled like I was in an Asian grocery. I used to ask what in the world they were eating. I have an idea now. This is not a recipe I would repeat without specific request. I have plenty left over to pass out to my family and ANYONE who comes to visit. I have been cooking more this month and settled on spinach pie. I have made it inside a crust which was fabulous but very high calorie. Then I used shredded potatoes for the crust and it both taste wonderful and saved hundreds of calories. And of course, I have been really into my yogurt at two daily.

My workouts at the gym have been slacking for any number of reasons, though usually it’s because I need to sleep. In the choice between anything and sleep, sleep wins. I am finally sleeping well and waking with some energy to function before I return to work. These days I spend most of my free time working in the yard and garden. We had rain for days and now cooler than normal temps. The warm weather slowed the radishes. The cool has revived them. But the rain has overjoyed the weeds and they have taken a toe-hold on my land (such as it is). Of course, on the weekends I run and play with my grand-daughter.

My new and good for this time is that I have been teaching yoga, first one on one and now another has joined. I appreciate the opportunity to share yoga with others and hope that my enthusiasm with encourage them to pursue further practice, either with me or in another class. I have offered to teach at a community center and await further information.

Work had been trying this entire month and I am thankful to have the next two Fridays off. Beside the time away, this gives me four day weeks which I find deeply relaxing and freeing. One of my favorite Friday evening activities is Comedy Night at the local club. I’m thinking about dinner out. Thinking about… I have become much more impressed with cooking and saving my cash for yogurt than anything I can imagine eating out, where I live. (I do enjoy eating out in the city.)

Finally, I haven’t started a second blog for this topic so here’s a blurb instead. I have committed to feeding my world. For years I have been distressed with the price of organic produce in my area, so I decided to plant as much of my space as I could and have to date included radishes, beets, potatoes, blueberries, blackberries, raspberries, tomatoes, cucumbers, squash-summer, butternut, and zucchini, and peppers. I will post pictures of my plan and progress under a different post.

My life is good and I am grateful for all the opportunities afforded me and the support I receive. May you all be richly blessed this day and always.

Namaste

One Hundred Promises to Myself

They say that most people have already abandoned their New Year’s Resolutions, or will soon in the coming weeks.  That says more about the choice of resolution than the people who make them.  When we decide to do well for ourselves we are immediately invested in the process.  With all the information and support on goal setting available, the most important element is, “What’s in it for me?”  If we are not to be the winners in the end, the whole program is destined to fail.  Yes, we may get organized, loss the weight, earn or save more money; but for whom?

Resolutions are really promises to you.  They are the statements of how you choose to show up in the world, how you will shape your life and life experiences.  The beginning of the year is merely an opportunity to review and establish another pattern of movement.  As I recognize my connection to my family, friends, neighborhood, community, and world at large, I acknowledge that that which I do for my own growth and healing extends to the healing of others.

This year I took on a commitment toward zero debt.  As we move toward more electronic management of information, those of us who push paper for a living are effectively being made redundant.  Before that notice arrives and while I am (thankfully) employed, it seems to make the most sense that I make my escape from the obligation of debt.  With this particular focus, I am conscious not only of my spending but also of the resources available to me from friends, families and neighbors.  How easy it is to run to the store to make a purchase rather than to ask if an item is available for loan (or gift).  In the past, my neighbor and I made regular exchanges of food, clothing, tools and services.  There are also plenty of websites set up for this very purpose.  We can sell or trade our excess; buy another’s. 

The most challenging aspect of this commitment is my enjoyment of shopping, both online and in stores (garage sales, booths, etc).  I love a deal, a bargain, stuff.  I have more than enough of everything – food, books, purses, clothes, shoes, linen, soap, and toys.  Because I have enough, I have decided to begin to use what I have.  I make my own body balms with oils and butters (avocado, shea, cocoa).  I have collected wonderful handmade soaps over the years along with some favorite body washes.  As much as I would like to replace those that are running low, I will merely move on to a new fragrance. This month I explored the pantry and cooked lentil and bulgur soup; served it buckwheat pancakes.  It was most excellent.  Next we had tomato sauerkraut soup.  I actually have a large collection of lentils (dal) and enjoy fashioning my own versions of Indian dishes.  I have already made the investment.  It is time to collect.

Staying connected with my financial commitment means walking away from items that attract me.  Today that means garden bulbs on sale.  I plan to grow food to support my family and friends.  We planted fruit bushes last year that we hope will produce this year.  I already have plenty of flower bulbs for the beautification of my yard and have seeds harvested to be planted in the spring.  What money I have available will go to purchase crop seeds.  In the spring I plan to plant radishes, spinach, lettuce, kale, onions, garlic, herbs, potatoes and tomatoes.  Sometimes my draw to flowers is not only their beauty, but my success in growing them.  This year, I will push beyond my comfort zone and plan according to my vision.

From the review of this single resolution – to be debt free – I am addressing shopping, spending, cooking, family and community involvement, gardening, organizing (using current supplies and resources), and a daily appreciation for my job.  I am thankful for the life I have chosen, with its simplicity and myriad opportunities.  None of us know what the future offers, but we can each find ease in the journey.  What’s in it for me?  I am all about the ease and the effort; the opportunity of growth – shifting and changing. 

In love and light…

Moving, Shifting and Changing

The nice thing about a hundred resolutions is that as you work through the formulation and refining process, so many more areas and ideas arise.  This week I am having a wonderful visit with Z and as we share our life stories, we are rediscovering dreams past and renewing interests.  We once planned to travel to India and we studied Mandarin Chinese.  With renewed excitement, we have decided to apply for passports, and pick up lessons again. 

I just heard John Tesh (only listening by accident) say that break-ups can be contagious.  Seems when one couple separates others begin to re-evaluate their relationships and the social stigma for breaking up is lessened.   Well, 2010 was the year for completing relationships.  I worked at ending mine before the New Year, only to have it done for me after the first.  This change has freed up lots of attention so I can process the plentiful distress in my life, feel my feelings and work on my hundred resolutions (none of which included this relationship, directly). 

I have a zillion issues to deal with in my very old house.  Beyond repairs, I have basic chores I neglect on a very regular basis, so that even as I sit quietly I see there is dust gathering around me.  I have serious dust.  Not the kind you can swiffer away, but that needs soap and water and an hour’s dedication.  I have limited hours for dusting, what with dishes, laundry and general kicking a path to get through.  Every now and then, I stop in the middle of whatever I’m doing and wash down my sit-abouts and wipe off a frame so I can refocus on the task before me.

So, this year I have reconnected with my Chi machine, actually a Healthy Swinger.  I really love the energy charge after just five minutes and have committed to getting up to twenty minutes a day, more days than not.  I use the machine for relaxation, balance, lymph cleansing, and spinal realignment.  Here’s a link so you can watch The Doctors discuss and enjoy the product. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BJSmDDnLmC0)  You can search and find lots of products on the market; even one in your budget range. 

I am on track with my workouts, wine drinking, blogging, reading, journaling, and otherwise relaxing.  Every day I commit to getting enough sleep.  As I have a difficult time staying asleep it is a continual process.  This week I have taken off two days to spend with my daughter, so I will have extra time to focus on sleeping.  Next week I took off a day for my son’s birthday.  More sleep for me.  It doesn’t work perfectly, but it helps.  For both the Fridays, we will have dinner; go to the Comedy Club, and then a bit of dancing.  I tend to feel the night and will be delighted to end early and crawl into my warm bed on these freezing nights. 

This year, with its myriad changes, has been a delight.  Those events which seemed to be breaking my heart in December have resolved into the time and space I needed to live more presently and show up more fully.  When I remember that last week I wonder if maybe I was in some wild hormonal swing that culminated with horrific outbursts and distraught feelings.  The earth cracked and the towers fell.  Out of chaos comes new beginnings and opportunities. 

I am divinely guided in all ways.

Namaste

\

One Hundred Resolutions for the New Year - 2011

Be it hereby resolved...

Consider the areas of your life and focus on the energy you desire to manifest there.  Open to new possibilities and expect more opportunities.  Resolve to claim your highest good as never before.  Spare no thought, idea, or concept.  Instead, be bold, knowing that change begins in the mind.

While 100 seems like a tall order, there are some simple ways to address this joyous creation.  This is your life.  Examine the ways you hope to show up - to be, the things you would like to have, what you expect to do.  Be.  Do.  Have.  Now, imagine, dream, and believe.

To begin that task, make a quiet space, alone, where you can think, vision.  With pen and paper near by allow whatever ideas arise to flow through without censor.  They can be categorized later.  What would you do if money were no object?  How would you live if you had your way?  What would it look like to live your life, your way, now?

While resolutions tend to be about changing things, they can also be a statement of intention.  In this list of 100 considerations, some things will be about change, others about intention, still more about a shift in perspective.  Stay with the quiet, exhale to let go of the way things used to be, inhale new life, new ideas, new realities.  When you are ready to formulate the list anew consider these areas.  Feel free to add others as they a revealed to you for your life.  Remember, change is best sustained when as it is reflected in multiple areas of our lives.

• Spiritual (connecting to The Source of Life)
• Emotional well being (feeling fully that we might Be awake, alive and aware)
• Physical (health and wellness)
• Financial (saving, spending, budgeting)
• Relationships (family, friends, neighbors)
• Career (work or school)
• Mental (stimulating the mind)
• Daily self care (time alone to pursue self nurturing)
• Community (donating time, talent, funds to support others)
• Home (building, securing, remodeling)

One techniques for revealing what is most important to us is to take a category and spend just 60 seconds brainstorming desires in that area. Later, when we have brought forth our energy, we can begin to write the actual resolutions.

My example will be from the area of Daily self care:

In 2011, I commit to taking at least an hour every day to be with myself in some activity that reminds me to relax and breathe.  I will choose, from the following list, something to remind me of my state of joy.

I will workout more days than not.

I will get massage once a month.

I will get a pedicure once a month.

I will read for fun more days than not.

I will watch funny movies so I can laugh out loud.

I will light candles around the house.

I will wear soft slinky clothes.

I will visit with a friend in person.

I will hang out a little longer in the shower.

I will take a sauna.

I listed ten things I can choose from to tend my well being, so that daily self care and physical and emotional well-being are connected.  As we make the list of our lives, we will find that we can choose to be more aware and attentive to ourselves than ever before.

Why settle for living a small cramped life when the whole world is waiting for us?

Happy New Year.

Namaste