Soul Massage

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

100 days… to Imagine, Dream, and Believe

I have purposed in my heart/mind to leave my current job by 15 November 2011. Toward that end I am focused on drawing into my life new and exciting ways to show up happier, healthier and far more interesting – and financially support my joy and passions.

Even though I pen these thoughts today, the new moon, a time of deep seeding begins on July 30. I have been consistent in my consideration of what may come, but will count the 100 days from the new moon. One hundred days of change and evolution, opening and receiving, growing and expanding.

This is my documentation of the journey.

To date, I have begun learning the Gayatri Mantra. I have considered it before, but hearing it repeatedly during the opening of Battlestar Galactica stimulated my research and drawing back. This mantra is considered the mother of all mantras providing hope, enlightenment, and protection. It is chanted morning, at noon, and evening. There are those who chant it continually as hope for healing the world. I am committed to chanting as often as possible.

The Gayatri Mantra

át savitúr váreyaṃ
bhárgo devásya dhīmahi
dhíyo yó naḥ pracodáyāt


We meditate on the transcendental Glory of the Deity Supreme, who is inside the heart of the earth, inside the life of the sky and inside the soul of Heaven.  May She stimulate and illuminate our minds.

I am returning to a daily yoga practice, without excuse or exception, for we are never too old, too tired, too sick, or too busy to find and focus on our breath, rest in the present moment, open to all possibility and be. Having cleared a space in my home, I roll out my mat, face east and open to illumination. This was most immediately prompted by a shift the healing of my body. I seemed to be getting better for some weeks only to have relapsed into more pain. It occurred (as in “Ah ha!”) that I needed more regular time on my mat, breathing and releasing. And so, I stepped up.

I am considering more creative ways to earn money, reworking my budget, considering what jobs I will consider and why (money is not enough). I am rethinking what I need versus what I desire. When I “feel” I need something, I imagine other ways of getting that need met. I spend every dollar as though it matters. It does.

To save money, I will place my membership to purchase music on hold and enjoy my free subscription to the latest rave for the six month intro period, along with my other favorite streaming site. I already own plenty of music to keep me satisfied for months and there is plenty of free music to download, as well.

Today I decided to sell some of my gadgets and gismos. I have had a tendency to buy nifty stuff and now own a Chi Machine, Shiatsu Massager, Acupressure mat, and more. I imagine there is someone locally who would love to try these products for less than the retail price. Craigslist, here I come.

When we desire something new, we must make space for it. I am clearing a path for greater expression of who I am. I must remove the clutter. Sometimes there are deep feeling associated with the shift, and then there are moments when I am certain of the next step. In my certainty I move, immediately.

I give in Love because I love to give. Giving to others, whether time, talent, or treasure, keeps us connected both to the human and Divine nature of us all. “Give and it shall be given to you- good measure, shaken down, and pressed together.” This is both dictate and promise. As we share that which we have been given we are reminded that we are mere vessels, channels, and conduits. We are not the storehouse. We all came here naked and empty handed. We will leave the same. While we wander this path, let us take notice of each other, extending beyond fear, and reach for the Light within.

Life belongs to the living, and he who lives must be prepared for change. (Johann Wolfgang van Goethe)

I am preparing for change.

I am open to change.

I recognize the growth potential in change.

Yours on the journey,


Wednesday, July 13, 2011


 There are all the “I’m gonnas” out there still waiting to get done. Denis Waitley calls them the “Someday I’ll” s. Someday I will (add you own dream/vision/idea). Then we keep waiting for someday to come. Occasionally we get a shove from the universe. Today, I can feel the gently nudging and am making preparations to move things along before I got shoved.  In a world where my greatest concerns were about the mundane things in my life, I am beginning to feel a bit of panic about moving faster than I had planned. Usually I save this intense energy for how I think I will feel when I am eighty-five and considering that I have lived a long and full life so may as well transition. Yeah, death. Swift. Intense. Immediate. Change.

In my heart of hearts, I know that I have survived numerous processes and changes over the last fifty years. The issue today seems to be that I am short of confidence. Perhaps I need a visit with someone other than the occupants in my head.

I left to visit my neighbor, who has similar priorities to mine, so that as I sit weeping she can reach for the deeper struggle and offer what might be the limiting fear. Sometimes we need reminders of how we have chosen to show up, even in the face of change. I find that my confidence is shored by a plan. Put into place some exacting, any exacting and go forth.

The ultimate plan is to leave my current job. In the recent weeks, I have changed the date from February 2012 to December 31, 2011; and now at November 1, 2011. The feeling is that my departure may be sooner than I plan. (No, wait, and out of my control.) In that case, until the day comes, I will activate my resources for the shift.
  • ·        Revamp resume. Add current information to indicate increased skills.
  • ·         Complete online applications for positions of interest.
  • ·         Collect paper applications for companies not online.
  • ·         Reconnect with those who can support work in my area.
  • ·         Consider how far I might be willing to branch as I work toward my dream.
  • ·         Make an honest financial assessment of current and future expenditures.
  • ·         Keep going back, for a long as possible, until notice is served.
  • ·         Count every day a victory. Celebrate completion of each shift. Be grateful.

A dream is your creative vision for your life in the future. You must break out of your current comfort zone and become comfortable with the unfamiliar and the unknown. - Denis Waitley

Now I have hit upon the core issue – beyond my control. So, let us launch forth joyously into the unfamiliar and the unknown.

Bright blessing along the way.


Friday, July 1, 2011

Just when I needed you most...

I almost returned a phone call this evening, but decided I preferred to enjoy my dinner in silence instead. Even as summer heats up, twilight in the east windows seemed to come soon. I held my novel against a fading light, a sip of wine, a bite of pasta, and the adventure of a well told story. Not only do I prefer the silence, but my own company as well. Maybe tomorrow I will check in before I sleep. Maybe.
Quite possibly, I may decide, I can do without the drama. The last phone call involved complaints about high blood pressure and not having the medicine needed. “What am I supposed to do, stoke out?” I almost offered some dietary change, but the monologue continued. Actually, it was a tirade against the doctor or pharmacist, or someone else who had failed to show up as she expected (for free, I might add). I am learning to listen, to limit my advice or comments, and to allow others to follow their own paths. I recognize that my mind falls to judgment when I think that others should, could, ought, might, or would be,  or have better (complain less) if they just followed XYZ. I can wait to be asked. And until then, I can keep my mouth shut.
The closed mouth program is getting the best of me these days. Often moments after I have asked a question or made a suggestion, I find that neither was requested. My disdain for chat tends to keep me to myself and stepping beyond my space leads me into conversations that while I deeply appreciate, are not always welcome. Why talk to me then?
My insight today is that I am not interested in having a story to tell. There are specific reasons I choose to work as I do. I like the ease of coming to my job and leaving work behind. I enjoy working in a climate controlled environment with limited physical energy expended. I am blessed with very useful benefits which include health, dental, vacation, sick and personal leave. Once those didn’t matter, and I loved my work. Today they matter a bit more and the trade seems to be happiness. That and not having a story.
There are some jobs and professions that have stories, drama, and chaos. I have worked lots of them – social worker, teacher (elementary, high school, and corrections), nursing. Sometimes they pay well, depending on how you measure your time and worth, but mostly they take a large toll – mentally, emotionally and physically. The moments I felt useful, helpful, and purposeful fail to balance the times I felt overwhelmed, put out, and dismissed by a system that neglected real human needs and the clients we served who felt they were victims deserving of total care.
Being a mom carries all that responsibility and the added measure to ensure my children (and grandchild) grow into strong, healthy, responsible, productive adults. Compassion dictates that I believe all people deserve that same support. We have to get up and get what we desire and need, rather than expect that other people will serve us. Children grow strong and independent when given a stable foundation, adequate information, and the freedom to make mistakes in a safe environment. Those particular principles make me a different kind of mom. They shape my perspective on social services, community support programs, teaching and nursing.
I maintain my commitment to be story free, but also stress free as one seems to follow the other. This is important as I desire another job, place of work, method of earning money. I appreciate the ease that accompanies this one, yet seek a fuller expression of who I am. Or maybe, a better place to express my “I am.” I feel exhausted treading water in this sea of pretence. I understand the financial incentive that traps those around me, but find any sense of confinement brings urgings for freedom.
Today I honor what is – I have a workable job, a doable occupation, and an opportunity to be witness to what comes up. And yay! We are under a new moon. The perfect time for planting seeds of change, visioning possibilities, and expanding prospects.
Let this be my story – that I am living my life well.
So Be It.