Four Days Til Morning

When we make a commitment, all the forces of the universe gather to support our choice. I once believed that meant that everything would come along to remove the obstacles and smooth the path. I believed that landmarks and buoys would light the way and signal the next best move. That does happen, sometimes. However, what we really get is a constant check-in to see if this is really our deepest desire.

Are we prepared to stand in the resolution, or will we crumble with the first challenge? Is this our deepest desire or are we pandering to the ideas of another? Are we willing to commit to the process it takes to get where we say we want to go or will we grow weary and return to comfort?

There were some huge issues which drew my attention away from my presumed security and left me feeling as though I was dangling over a precipice. I am holding to the belief and understanding that each challenge is another opportunity for re-commitment not just to leaving my job, but maintaining my budget and learning to live with less.  

This morning investigating a stream of water rolling along the counter, I found the leak from my hot pot. Who knew that was even possible? It boils water. My first thought was to replace it, immediately. I use it every day- several times a day. Yes, I can make do without, but I really like the speed and efficiency for all hot water needs. (And that means less waste waiting for water to travel from the water heater to the sink.) On the other hand, do I really need tea in a hurry?

I had two hot pots. I gave the other one away. It was also brand new, but was the older version that was completely metal with the heating element sealed into its case. The one I kept, now defunct, is a modern version – plastic with a hot plate element in the bottom. As the water was leaking from beneath the pot I can only guess that the seal has eroded. Another modern upgrade turned to trash. (That’s why I have so much stuff. And why it gets hard to part with the extra. It might come in handy and some day is here.)

My draw is to replace the pot today, but I will take a while to feel its absence. Before I make the purchase, I will ask my neighbor if she has one to spare. I live without a sauce pan or stove. I can return to boiling water in the microwave while I consider my options. Is this something I am willing to live without?

Fall back!

This morning we rolled our clocks back. I am thankful for a wonderful night’s sleep and rest. My day ahead is full and after a day off from writing yesterday, I have several thousand words to find for today. The grrls (actually 50+ women) have met, enjoyed an evening together and just returned home from the Wymin’s Music Festival. Will they debrief in isolation or return to a waiting community?

Life is a daring adventure!

Here’s to the next best opportunity

My actual countdown calendar

It’s been a rough week here in corridors of my mind.. Monday I knew Thursday was coming. Tuesday I was so nauseous when it was time to leave for work, I thought I would have to call in sick. That’s two occurrences (though why do I care?) and then I would want to call in an extra night to make up for the penalty and I couldn’t do that because then I would miss Thursday morning. So, I drug my body to work and made numerous trips to the bathroom to splash with cold water. Thankfully I had bought some way too expensive crystallized ginger that morning and had it in my purse. (Ginger, soda crackers and cold wash clothes – great for nausea) I slept all day Wednesday, off and on. Wednesday night went well enough. I have some opinions about the night but am more interested in letting them go than psychoanalyzing my co-workers and their neuroses. Most of the morning I was merely waiting for the manager to come in. 

Then I was sick again. This time I was sure it was nerves. I wanted to shout, “HELP!!!” but to whom? And what exactly could anyone say to me? I have been on this road for the past three months. I am clear that I would rather spend my nights elsewhere. 

“This is the time of planting, visioning, digging deep to lay the foundation of dreams. There is no room for the faint hearted here. So, pull up your panties and let’s go!” I’m pretty good at self-talk though I wish there was someone who could… There I am, toes on the edge of the cliff, just a gentle wind and I will glide. And I do. I gathered my belongings, walked into the manager’s office and said, “Here is my two week notice.”

He said, “Oh, you don’t want to do that.” In the most insincere voice and style I could imagine. (I do not believe he was at all surprised, but then, I have taken to talking rather openly about leaving, so there.)

“What are you going to do?”

“Travel. Write. Spend time with my family.” But the real answer from now on will be, “Drink beer.”

The Universe applauds my journey. All good comes my way; I am open to receive good in my life.

Still…