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Sunday, December 17, 2017

#Happy Everyday!

I traveled across the country, to my favorite place and my heart - San Francisco! I made the pilgrimage over Golden Gate Bridge. Cross that off. Having fully renewed my fear of heights, I have no need to repeat the journey. Now when I feel unwell, I describe the symptoms as the sensation of walking across the bridge. Notice, I am hovering near the street/traffic edge; felt safer.

Before I completed my time at my last work situation, I applied for two jobs. One that pays well and another under the category,  "Would you be here if you were not getting paid?" Yes! As of this date, neither have called. I applied for two more jobs. One that will meet my basic needs. The other my desired schedule and maybe more money. Maybe. One contact to which I was not able to respond - system down.

To be clear, I love being at home. I leave to earn the funds so I can return home. Working offers the advantage of ease in meeting my financial obligations. I like ease. If I want effort, I can workout. So, as I step up my search for my next right and perfect work situation, I am thankful for each morning I wake when I choose, and every night I have relaxedly enjoyed before crawling into my comfy bed to rest. I celebrate each waking, Happy Everyday!

My days are filled with grandchildren, art and knitting. I am learning more about my attention and patience. I explore my creativity, stretching beyond my comfort zone. In my success of creating for others, I learned that it is unpleasant. I thought that time and talent was sufficient to complete the project. I found myself greatly distressed during the process - will they want this, like this, even care how much time and effort this required? Rather than sharing my joy, I offered my angst. My preference is to create and share, but not to order.

Presently, I am knitting a sweater for my son - XXL Tall. It was so exciting before I cast on. Now each row seems a chore. I put it aside when my enthusiasm wanes, pick up the mittens. This is a labor of love, much like birthing. (I took a break during my 52 hour labor.) I still have a month to complete the project, even at my slow pace and I am positive he will love it. 

As the year winds close, I am thoughtful of the choices I have made to have arrived at this moment. I thought I would manage to hang out at that last job until March 2018. One day, as I was driving for work, I realized there was no way I wanted to keep doing what I was doing. I was a mass of conflict. I had used my savings to pay off an old loan so I could open a new one. Not a fan of debt, I mapped a plan to save for my departure. The pay was low, but the benefits good. Leaving was more than the paycheck. Staying was draining my attention and energy, on and off the job. My co-workers were apathetic, though probably due to working multiple jobs along with family obligations. None seemed committed to being happy. Well, what the huh?

We  have relegated happiness to birthdays, holidays, and anniversaries. We congratulate births and partings (retirement). Yet, in between, we neglect happiness. When we find happiness we either grasp the moment to save and store in memory to pull out savor and lament, or dismiss and return to the grind before. Happiness to available moment to moment. A gentle awareness of each breath in the present moment allow us to exclaim, Happy Everyday!

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Today, may you find a pleasant surprise.