So Beautiful, I Am

I was blogging at work when a man passed and asked if I was working on a personal ad. And added that if I was, to include a current photo, a full body photo - to be honest. I responded that I am not looking for someone who would make a judgment about who I am based on what my photo looks like. The reality is that even a full body photo does not tell the story any better than a head shot.

Take a moment and look into my eyes. Did I smile for this picture or is it cropped from another event. Can you see that I am happy, in general, or have I held a happy thought that my smile might shine more genuinely? Am I looking at you, the camera, or off into the distance? Was this a photo for the one who would choose me, or the best me I had to put forth?

This young fellow (just turned 30) dates a lot. Says he dates a lot. Changes girlfriends, often. And is quite preoccupied with how the physical body looks. I stood thinking of him today. I am considering posting that personal ad. I am not concerned with the full body shot as I know that no photo can describe how it feels to live in this body day by day. I want to share with him that picking a body to date is not like picking a being to share love with. Even with the best of care, our bodies change. Some changes we can pretend to control. Others happen even as we are doing all we know to keep them strong and healthy.

I would look past the feeble minded and bodied for one that is strong and healthy, but I also understand that the strong can and do become weak. I understand it, because I have lived it. I ran, biked and taught aerobics five days a weeks, three to four classes a day. One day I couldn't complete the bike ride home. I walked that last three miles and haven't been able to distance ride since. Yes, I can move. I workout. i play with my grand-daughter. but as a fifty plus, not thirty-five.  I am more conscious of my abilities and continue to build and maintain strength without criticism of the body that supports me 24/7.  I maintain a healthy idea of effort and choose ease as needed.

I honor my beauty as a whole being. I witness my tenacity daily. I welcome another chance to let go. I let go of the judgement, comparison, and expectation that would bind me in stress and turmoil. I reckon a happiness that comes with being with what is.

We are each of us beautiful. We must establish the standards within ourselves, and live in our worth. Selling ourselves short only leaves us wanting in the end.

Here's my head shot. The rest of me is just as good!

Om Shanti Om (MF!)

Spring Free – ISO free spring

In the search for a suitable companion (friend, lover, partner) we are in constant need of both personal reassessment and self promotion.  This is a novel opportunity to conduct a personal inventory of both what we seek and what we bring to the table.  It is one thing to ask that respondents be loving but quite another to show up as loving ourselves.  We search for another who will support us and our efforts, become our personal cheerleader, celebrate our triumphs and commiserate with us in defeat.  Or perhaps you have another definition of love.

My vision of love includes one who can think with me, think outside the box, dream, imagine, and believe with me.  I find little use in great show of emotions and romantic platitudes when what I need is work to be done.  I have no interest in chatting and light banter when there are the weightier matters of transformation and growth to consider.  Pessimist need not apply.

My life is filled with family and home. I enjoy my space and see each event as an opportunity to shift my perspective.  There is little use in lamenting the past.  Let us gather the lessons offered and do something differently this time.  In fact, let’s celebrate all that has brought us to this moment, and bless the path to now.

I am “long-winded” and encourage debate on various topics, my exceptions being religion and politics. I have my own views which govern my life and respect that others have the same.  As I have given up proselytizing, there is little need to engage in the discussion.  I prefer discussions that are based on fact rather than hearsay and innuendo. Expect that I am going to research what is said and verify it independently.  I expect the same of my words.

I love to read – love.  I read paper books, ebooks, online articles, labels, signs, and directions.  I consume information, delightfully and both indulge and separate easily.  I read for understanding and for fun. An ideal relationship is with a reader.  Reading requires one to take time to one’s self, to center, concentrate and focus.  Reading without comprehension defeats the purpose.

I like various styles of music, except pop (meaning pop culture, top 40, radio noise).  I appreciate meaningful rhythms and melodies, along with trance and indigenous sounds.  I enjoy dancing and would be delighted to find a partner who can lead (both on the dance floor and off).

Sex deserves its own page (or book).  Let’s say I am looking for someone who is physically active.  Not an athlete, but one who can walk five miles, continuously; who can breathe, deeply, fully, and completely.  My companion will be comfortable in the body they have, not in the one coming next week or month.  I am in search of one who happily stands in the mirror and admires their handiwork, free of doubt and shame.  That’s a tall order in this day and age of self denigration and fear.  It is confidence rather than pride that encourages one to remain mobile.  I am looking for movement that is fun, playful, and uplifting.  Add a bit of creativity and unique perspective, willingness to experiment and take on adventure.  That sounds like a recipe that will work in and out of bed (or elsewhere). I imagine that when all other elements are present, sex can work itself out.  I imagine.

As spring welcomes the bulbs to open, the sap to rise and the birds to sing, I am turning the pages of my heart and mind in search of what will work better this time around.  We turn the earth in preparation of planting, so too, I revisit what I have known, releasing that which no longer serves me, allowing it to become compost for stronger and healthier relationships to come.

Yours on the journey… Namaste