The Space that I Seek

The story of love and relationship later on

must be the space I create...

More and more we celebrate yet another young (or not so young) person publicly identifying along the spectrum of gay, lesbian, transgender, queer, questioning or other.

On the road to exploration of identities, what happens to those who have marched, demonstrated, and campaigned only to find that in the realm of love what is most desired is choice?

Surely, one day it will not matter who we love, but until we reach a world free of labels, how do we negotiate relationships of attraction without buying into any cliques or cues?

Whisper in My Ear addresses these questions through the story of three women and their personal (though not unique) approaches to love and each other.

Can we love each other no matter what?

A New Love

JP and Woman

Tuesday morning at 4 am my phone beeped. I returned the call to my daughter who thought she had hung up before the call rang through. I'm a very light sleeper. She reported her contractions at six minutes a part. I showered, dressed and drove across town.

We watched a bit of TV while the contractions increased. When they reached two minutes and 45 seconds duration, and she could hardly find peace, I suggested we head to the hospital. Just after 7:45 we hit labor and delivery. At 8:05 JP was born. It really was that easy. Woman thought it was effort. It was both.

come
let's fall
in love
again
let's turn
all the dirt
in this world
to shiny gold

come
let's be
a new spring
a love reborn

find our aroma
from the essence
of all who
emit heavenly fragrance

like a fresh tree
bloom and spread
all the blessings
right from inside
~Rumi

Rethinking Minimalism

Without too much attachment...

I just finished an email to my neighbor. I have stuff. She has way more than I. She even has a butler building to store the extra. The reason I bring it up is I have been saving mason jars I received but have emptied.  I need three lids. Sure, I could go buy them, but I just bet she has some I can have. That’s the thing with those of us who keep stuff; if you need something, we either have it or know someone who does. 

I came to the idea of minimalism in my search for living with less. That search was fueled by my desire to quit my job and stay at home. I knew the basics of saving money, paying off debt, and preserving what I have. What I needed was support for living without an income, at least for a while. I also sought to find a community of people who held values outside of mainstream consumerism.  

I had a wonderful journey through fabulous and interesting blogs. What I didn’t find was much variation in people. Most were young, single, and free. And while they were excited to be quitting their jobs, traveling the world, starting some new adventure, I expect that young people do just that. I am sad that any young person would believe the goal is to go to school, graduate and land a position as a cog in the machinery, no matter what the benefit package.  (There were also families working to manage on single incomes and those on religious paths.)

I was looking for people over fifty who were rethinking their goals and life choices, especially those who are working class, self educated, independent thinkers. This is a different breed from those with resources and assets. After reading hundreds, literally, of blogs, I concluded that while they may be out there, perhaps they don’t blog. I did find two blogs I follow that fit that category which brings me reassess minimalism.

Yesterday was my shopping venture. I have committed to shopping locally so made the rounds to three grocers in my community. Because I believe in supporting those in my life, I buy what’s on sale just in case someone needs it. When I completed my journey, I have enough to feed a small army – and they will come. This is my blessing – that I can keep the storehouse full.

I have another friend who thought we could come up with another word that explains our process. We both embrace the need and process of eliminating clutter from our space. Regularly, we address knickknacks and sit-abouts gifted. But what of us who love our books? The library is fine for popular fiction, but not classical literature. And did you know that if your credit card expires you will lose all the books, etc downloaded to your Kindle? Have we forgotten the joy in turning the page? I spend hours a day reading online, but I go to bed with a book.

Remember picture frames? Not digital, but the kind that sit on desk or hang on the walls. It is nice that we can so easily share memories electronically, but when there is no power or the storage system fails have we attended the image long enough to even give an accurate description? 

I love a long email from my friends. I cherish a handwritten letter. Letters, books, photos, jewelry, scarves, CDs, video tapes, plants, animals, clocks, scrap paper are all slipping away. Everything is being converted into digital formats to save what? 

My goal is to live without attachment, even to the source of my happiness. My home represents the life that I love. I gather the things that support and increase my joy. The rest is clutter. That’s what I let go. Today, I also let go of the idea of being, in anyway, a minimalist. I am all about love and pleasure, being present and sharing, opening and representing Divine Love – to the maximum.

Queer Isn't It? Part One

These are the author's notes from my novel, Whisper In My Ear, for your perusal and consideration. Though a work of fiction, the characters confronted issues I found deeply personal and rarely presented in public platform.

Comments welcome and encouraged. Thank you.

The author's notes:

Even though we see all forms of sexual expression in the media and on the internet, there is still some taboo about actually having sex, forming sexual unions and especially how relationships look. In the United States, we are still hoping to establish the standard of legitimate relationships as occurring between one man and one woman – literally XX and XY genetically. The reality is that the world has survived with all forms of coupling and people live, grow, have families and build communities in any and all combinations.

Within the queer community one would expect a sense of acceptance, hope and understanding of those outside of the mainstream, but queer itself is rather watered down and undefined. So to resolve the muddle we have factions. We are separated again by gender identity, gender preference, race, religion, color, sexual proclivities, sexual expressions, sexual preferences, and more.  It would seem that with all this choice we would be able to find someplace to fit in, to belong, but I challenge that those are just tiny boxes that rather than include, exclude.

You can’t come in if you used to do this, or that. Once you get in, you can’t even think about doing these things. Well you can think about it, but don’t tell anyone. And if you do tell and it’s the wrong person no one will like you anymore and you may as well get out. No, we don’t put people out, but we don’t want people who do, think, or feel differently than we think you should do, think, of feel in our box.

That is not a new story. It can be applied to any club, religion, church, cult, click, or country. One of the innate longings of human beings is to belong. We seek out people like ourselves to socialize, build community, and feel safe. But belonging need not become a trap. Somehow we need to open the doors and accept the breath of human experience. Notice that while it is nice inside this space we call safe we are missing out on a whole world. There are people who are completely different from us and they are interesting. Sometimes the people inside the box with us would be more interesting if they could share their true feelings and ideas.

How beautiful is the varied garden with trees, bushes, shrubs and bulbs? How varied is the view as we watch the annuals bloom and the perennials return? What is the point of living in a limited world? Do we really feel safe? And what happens when the person with the different idea is you?

Having lived inside the lesbian experience for over twenty years, I encountered many forms of separatism and ostracism. In the beginning I spent time with women who identified as womanist, or womon, or wymin. Their distinction was to not be one joined with man. They took on titles as sybil, priestess, or goddess. They locked their doors and their hearts to men. They were not necessarily lesbians; nor particularly interested in sex – mostly not at all, it seemed. 

The problem for me was I had come out as lesbian in my thirties. I had been married. I had a son. And I liked sex. While my attraction to women was not new (it had lived unexpressed in thought, word, or deed) the lifestyle was. I had lived a rather strict religious existence and was firmly taught to control my thought, never allowing progression in a direction unfitting the beliefs. So, I didn’t, much. The day came when my attraction was toward a particular woman, who I believed was or might be a lesbian. She lived with other women, dressed like the lesbians seemed to dress and shaved her head. She was sweet and friendly and cuddly. To me, she seemed a perfect opening choice. However, she redirected my fancy and said she was my friend and would support me as I figured it out. I figured out a small bit and fell in love. 

That first relationship was and still is a bright star in my heart/mind. It was when I first heard the word queer used as an empowering rather than derogatory word. We were in love, LOVE! We held hands in public. Danced and hugged without fear. We believed we were setting the standard; changing the world. When people saw me they knew I had found my calling. When it ended, I thought I would die. Rather dramatic, I know, but that’s how it is with new love. 

Apparently I didn’t die and went on to have even more powerful loving experiences. While I was figuring things out, sorting my way through a new process and community, and having had no sexual partner for six years, seven months, and four days, I met a man. He was warm, gentle, open, accepting, loving and kind. He was also persistent, sensual, and interested in getting together. So I did. Repeatedly, and often. And at times I didn’t have a grrlfriend, or had grrlfriends who didn’t have sex. Before I ever made a single move, I told him I was a lesbian, but had not figured out how to find the ones that had sex. He said he completely understood. He loved women too. There was no attachment and no commitment. Just a moment in time.

More on letting go

I've been sorting and cleaning again. I thought it was a simple task and scheduled it on my list today. The reality is if it was simple, it wouldn't have taken me years to get at it. Since I'm not working or writing much these days, I've run out of excuses for not getting on with my chores.

I have a collection of wooden boxes that contain mementos from long ago. I have carried them for almost thirty years and today they are still hard to toss. I did let go of the hospital wrist bands from the birth my eldest child and the umbilical cord clip. Yes, I kept everything. I boxed up, for donation, dozens of earrings I no longer wear but can't bare to trash. I confess to owning quadruples of lipstick, mascara, and eye pencils and palettes. I pitched the bulk of it, keeping only one lip color I love and making sure the eye pencils I saved were useable.

Now, to that letter. I will tell you that I believed every word written when it was presented nearly thirty years ago. Things changed. I spent years angry and pissed off about how that relationship turned out. The betrayal was overwhelming. After years of therapy, I walked in to the therapist office and cried through tossing the remaining items I was saving (for someday) - gifts I had tucked away, until... That hurt has passed and I have certainly lived though more and worse, but still I am holding this love letter. As a matter of fact, I have a rather large collection of love letters from past relationships. In and earlier purge, I sacrificed nearly a year of written correspondence that rained love, compassion and understanding. What a pity!

I have decided that I am going to keep my love notes, cards, letters, post-its, CDs and cassettes (remember we used to make those, before playlist?). I honor that I opened my heart, repeatedly, and allowed another to get close to me and me to them. I celebrate the dance of our time even when we stomped off the floor and ended the evening in a public row. I was prone to intensely passionate loving expressions. I maintained that same fervor as our patience, tolerance, and compatibility faded.

The intervening years have cleared my interest in that level of interaction; I live free of chaos, crisis, and confusion. And while my memories are sufficient to recall many a boisterous disagreement, I prefer to relax and enjoy rereading our expressions of love. I have a broad collection of published poems and essays. I read the poetry of Rumi and Hafiz. But, how very personal are the notes that were written for me.

A lover asked his beloved,
Do you love yourself more than you love me?
Beloved replied, I have died to myself and I live for you.
I've disappeared from myself and my attributes,
I am present only for you.
I've forgotten all my learnings,
but from knowing you I've become a scholar.
I've lost all my strength, but from your power I am able.
I love myself...I love you.
I love you...I love myself.

~Rumi

No Matter What...

I woke this morning feeling the need to recommit to my promise of loving "no matter what." Events and circumstances have arisen this month offering the opportunity to be true to my word. As I faced the situation with my family of origin, I held the Prayer of St Francis in heart/mind that I might offer understanding and compassion to others and let go of my expectations. I thought things were going well, but then faced a moment when it looked differently. I fell into my old panic of having done something wrong. I took awhile and lots of prayer to remember that everything is not about me.

People have their own stuff going on and their own ways of dealing with change. What I had was another opportunity to let go of expectations. No matter what happens today, I went to offer support and resource. I did just that. I held compassion for all of us in a strange situation.

Today, I am missing my friends who are out roaming. Here, my commitment is to hold a strong signal that when they seek communication they will be able to find me. Surely, I am not the only person who has lost contact with a loved one for unknown reasons. I hold out that instead of letting go of those relationships that we remember the love we shared, honor the joy of companionship, and maintain the hope of return.

"Out beyond ideas of wrong doing and right doing, there is a field; I'll meet you there."

That quote from Rumi has sustained my hope through many years. Initially, I thought I would walk out to the field and meet my friend. I have since come to understand that my role is to be waiting in the field for the other to arrive. But how do I find the field that is free from ideas or right or wrong doing?

As I cease self-judgment and open to compassion for my own life and choices, I will be able to wait in that space. When we find that others are pushing up our stuff, that is an ideal opportunity to examine the places we have yet to embrace and love within ourselves. When we are angry, hurt, lost, distraught, this is the time for introspection. How are my expectations not being met? Who is not meeting them? Do I have the right to place those demands on another? How would I feel if those same demands were made of me? What if I just let it go? What exactly am I afraid of?

Loving no matter what requires that we face our fears. The fear of loss, abandonment, even hope, can trap us in situations that no longer serve us, or worse cause us to seek to trap others. When we recognize that separation is the illusion and expectations are attempts to control, we can see how they are the antithesis of love.

For love seeks not its own, but rather that the other might be free to live and be, abundant and prosperous. Love lets go. All those old quotes are still true today:

I do my thing and you do your thing.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,
And you are not in this world to live up to mine.
You are you, and I am I,
and if by chance we find each other, it's beautiful.
If not, it can't be helped.

That last line is a bit of a surprise, but included as it is part of the original Gestalt prayer (1969). The idea of the statement is the focus on living in response to one's own needs, without projecting onto or taking introjects from others. It also expresses the idea that it is by fulfilling their own needs that people can help others do the same and create space for genuine contact. It is with this understanding that I propose we can indeed love others, no matter what...

In Light and Love,

Namasté

Considering Polyamory

All for One and One for All

Polyamory is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate partner in a mutually consenting relationship. In plain speak, I have a lover, who has a lover, who may have a lover as well (hopefully) and together we are co-lovers.

In many ways, polyamory provides the best of many worlds. Imagine sharing time with your friends who enjoy hiking, fishing, outdoor adventures, and then with those who prefer time at home with a movie and glass of wine. On some nights you are out for dancing and karaoke; generally wandering about the city. Is it possible that one friend can share all those adventures or might you divide your time with those who enjoy the same passions as you?

For those with strongly diverse desires and passions, polyamory offers support, understanding,and play within a committed context. The freedom to share interests and plan activities openly with co-lovers differs from the concept of cheating, swinging, or serial monogamy.

Polyamory maintains several values, including trust, honesty, loyalty, respect, transparency, communication, non-possessiveness, boundaries and agreements. Simply put, each partners is accepted, not merely tolerated. Partners are open and receptive to the needs and desires of the other, honoring the agreements between them all. Secretive meetings and relationships are frowned upon as outside of the value system.

The structure of relationship will look different from one group to another. Some manage to maintain  equality between lovers but more than not (in my experience) one lover is primary, another secondary and the next tertiary. It seemed as long as each had a primary lover there was enough space/freedom to move amongst one another freely. When there was a single primary for co-lovers the division of time and attention became an issue.

Polyamorous relationships come with the same jealousies and insecurities as any other relationship. Generally, jealousy is viewed as an issue to be discussed and overcome, especially as this is one area that can destroy the relationship. At times this is most evident when co-lovers share the content of their activities with each other. It is important to notice how the partner’s life is enhanced and joy expanded.  Jealousy can lead to power struggles when two co-lovers collude against or in conjunction with each other, dismissing the presence or opinion of a third.

Absent lovers, through break-up, relocation, or lifestyle shift affect the dynamic of the whole. Having lived in the fashion of mutual satisfaction the void is palatable. The reorganization of priorities around time, space and attention can rock the entire balance; and  adjustment may be outside of the previous relationship commitments.

This is especially true when that turn of events points toward monogamy - that belief that we can be “All for One” and that another will be the “One for All.” In this instance,  we are looking toward a single person to fulfill the needs and desires that were once spread amongst a few. Imagine the one being settled into a quiet home life. What of those times the other dreams of dancing the night away? Who will wander the backwoods through hill and dale with the one  when the chosen partner is skittish about bugs and sticks, and the dark? What kinds of concessions are each willing to make to meet the needs and desires of the other? At what point do we dismiss our own desires for the sake of the relationship? And how do we forget what was once so easy and delightful? Will the love and commitment of one be enough?

As hard as it can be for the partner who feels like sacrifices are being made, it is equally challenging to face that it is impossible to satisfy needs that were once met by many - or at least more than one. This ignites an entirely new set of insecurities, that if not tempered immediately, become the fuel for discord as time goes on, creating an exit in the relationship.

The very structure of the polyamory allows the freedom of exploration, with an opening to welcome a new person into the relationship, sexually and/or emotionally without the fear of losing the primary relationship. Closing the exit refers to releasing and letting go of any ideas, thoughts, behaviors or actions that serve as a way out of the relationship. Rather than being a promise, it is a commitment extending months, perhaps years along the monogamous relationship. While additional relationships may be the door, memories serve as windows; thoughts and ideas as cracks and crevices.

Monogamy requires a rewiring of the circuitry of sharing life, time and experience together. Each partners must except the past, understanding its joy and challenge, while openly embracing the same in the present. This depth of honesty offers greater hope for the monogamous couple than merely dismissing what has come before.

In my experience, while knowledge of the past was clearly discussed, the lack of acknowledgement of how polyamory served our lives left us open to massive hurt as we attempted negotiation with just the two of us. We were so completely different in our interest, ideas, and understandings that even as we deeply loved and longed to live and grow together, we were constantly distracted by what was not going well. What I missed at times was not the other personality, but the shared energy and experiences.

As I grow older, I am opening to this possibility again - polyamory, not monogamy. I deeply appreciate my time and space, but imagine enjoying the shared energy and experience of another, who has another.

Let’s add this to the list of promises to myself.

Spring Free – ISO free spring

In the search for a suitable companion (friend, lover, partner) we are in constant need of both personal reassessment and self promotion.  This is a novel opportunity to conduct a personal inventory of both what we seek and what we bring to the table.  It is one thing to ask that respondents be loving but quite another to show up as loving ourselves.  We search for another who will support us and our efforts, become our personal cheerleader, celebrate our triumphs and commiserate with us in defeat.  Or perhaps you have another definition of love.

My vision of love includes one who can think with me, think outside the box, dream, imagine, and believe with me.  I find little use in great show of emotions and romantic platitudes when what I need is work to be done.  I have no interest in chatting and light banter when there are the weightier matters of transformation and growth to consider.  Pessimist need not apply.

My life is filled with family and home. I enjoy my space and see each event as an opportunity to shift my perspective.  There is little use in lamenting the past.  Let us gather the lessons offered and do something differently this time.  In fact, let’s celebrate all that has brought us to this moment, and bless the path to now.

I am “long-winded” and encourage debate on various topics, my exceptions being religion and politics. I have my own views which govern my life and respect that others have the same.  As I have given up proselytizing, there is little need to engage in the discussion.  I prefer discussions that are based on fact rather than hearsay and innuendo. Expect that I am going to research what is said and verify it independently.  I expect the same of my words.

I love to read – love.  I read paper books, ebooks, online articles, labels, signs, and directions.  I consume information, delightfully and both indulge and separate easily.  I read for understanding and for fun. An ideal relationship is with a reader.  Reading requires one to take time to one’s self, to center, concentrate and focus.  Reading without comprehension defeats the purpose.

I like various styles of music, except pop (meaning pop culture, top 40, radio noise).  I appreciate meaningful rhythms and melodies, along with trance and indigenous sounds.  I enjoy dancing and would be delighted to find a partner who can lead (both on the dance floor and off).

Sex deserves its own page (or book).  Let’s say I am looking for someone who is physically active.  Not an athlete, but one who can walk five miles, continuously; who can breathe, deeply, fully, and completely.  My companion will be comfortable in the body they have, not in the one coming next week or month.  I am in search of one who happily stands in the mirror and admires their handiwork, free of doubt and shame.  That’s a tall order in this day and age of self denigration and fear.  It is confidence rather than pride that encourages one to remain mobile.  I am looking for movement that is fun, playful, and uplifting.  Add a bit of creativity and unique perspective, willingness to experiment and take on adventure.  That sounds like a recipe that will work in and out of bed (or elsewhere). I imagine that when all other elements are present, sex can work itself out.  I imagine.

As spring welcomes the bulbs to open, the sap to rise and the birds to sing, I am turning the pages of my heart and mind in search of what will work better this time around.  We turn the earth in preparation of planting, so too, I revisit what I have known, releasing that which no longer serves me, allowing it to become compost for stronger and healthier relationships to come.

Yours on the journey… Namaste

At home in my body - repost from another time

The more I feel, the more I experience my body.

The more I love in my body, the more my body relaxes.

The more my body relaxes, the more peaceful I become.

The more peaceful I become, the more satisfaction I experience.

I feel content, complete, at home in my body and with Mother Earth.

 

That's the conclusion, but presented at the beginning, that way I know it's covered.

 

I've been working on clearing my space, my mind and my home.  I'm opening to the next great adventure, getting ready to dance off into the horizon.  I haven't got a clue.  I had a plan, loosely formed though it was, to get it together starting today.  Things change, often.  So, my list is still posted with only one thing completed.  No regrets.  I enjoyed a long full day with my sweetie, Desiree.  Every now and then when the restlessness would overtake her we sat out in the sunlight and watched traffic.  I like gentleness in life, in my life.  In the quiet, during her naps, I sorted and cleaned and thought about how very much I love her, love being here for her, and began to question where the rest of love has gone.  How do we come here, intermingle with one another and yet walk away allowing our connection to whither?

 

It's different this time, the reaching out.  Without attachment to the outcome, I can call or respond without expectation.  Since it is the thought that counts, best we begin to identify what we are thinking.  What is our intention?  What are we expecting from this particular action?  Have we planned a response?  Are we willing to sit with what is?

 

The more I feel, the more I experience my body.  Are we ready to feel, to be alive?  Will we allow our feelings to manifest in our being?

The more I love my body, the more my body relaxes.  Love is letting go.  Are we willing to exhale into release?

The more my body relaxes, the more peaceful I become.  We must become the peace we seek.

The more peaceful I feel, the more satisfaction I experience.  When we are open, we are receptive.  Holding on blocks good from our lives.

I feel content, complete, at home in my body and with Mother Earth.  We love ourselves, and this, by choice.  All the finagling to harness another in relationship is worthless until we find Love for ourselves, with ourselves, in ourselves. 

 

As we love ourselves, love is extended to all those around.

 

For me, it might sound cliche, but beauty for me really does start on the inside. It's like a state of mind, a state of love if you will. Then, whatever you can do on the outside is all like a bonus.
Queen Latifah

 

Be in Peace.  Be in Love.

Bookmarks

I have lots of things that I just love – books, wines, especially meads, scotch, dark chocolates, note pads, journals, lotions, butters, bath gels, essential oils, calendars, catalog pages, and quotes.  I love to collect them, to look at them and to know that I have them.  Some things I use regularly, others I just save.  Sometimes I share what I have stored so I can make room for more.

The libations I display on an altar for both viewing and easy inventory.  It also makes it easy to receive the perfect gift.  No worries of running out, for as the supply gets low, it can be replaced.  My books I keep tucked in spaces where I read – in the car, in my purse, the bathroom and under my pillow in bed.  Anytime I a free moment, I read.  It is the same with journals and scraps of paper; everyday there are lists and notes – ideas, hopes and dreams. 

I am particular about the scents I wear.  I make every effort to design my own and apply them to my shower and moisturizing products.  I also like to make bath salts to share with friends and co-workers.  This is one of the ways I experience my creativity.

Sometimes I keep things as a place marker for what I desire.  I use list and pictures to vision my hopes and dreams.  I am willing to relax and allow life to carry me (in general).  I am also VERY comfortable holding on the things that have sometimes passed their usefulness (or my interest).

So, having said that last piece, I include people in the bookmark category. I started this note to get to this point.  I like some relationships because as long as I maintain them, I do not have to worry about filling that need.  It doesn’t really matter if they meet the need, they plug the leak. (I wanted to put “hole” in there but that seems so crass – true, maybe.)  I took a survey about relationships and I come across as secure and dismissing.  Even as I answered the questions I could see how the relationships I share are woefully inadequate for my perceived needs.  I am content to allow them to linger as they do not distract from my life.  In an ideal world, I want only relationships which enhance my life. 

I am enveloped by m belief that the true treasures in life are the relationships we build.  As such, I am not so willing to end a relationship what I am slightly pleased with.  It is more than possible that the issue lies equally with me – either my indecisiveness in re-establishing boundaries even if it means the end of said relationships, or showing up in a way that makes shared time and space more palatable.  My nonchalance must be quite bothersome, especially to those who actively seek engagement with me. 

I read an article on communication that says to treat everyone as a stranger.  That means I will approach each encounter free of expectation.  It effectively means I will be less pissed off that I have to explain the same things every single time I meet people.  The thing is, the reason I like to get to know people is that we get to share information about each other.  It would be nice if we were considerate enough to remember what we learned (or heard).  I understand that we might need to check in every now and again, but really, make an attempt to get it.

I am working this technique at work where teaching and re-teaching is a constant effort.  It seems as if there is no need to learn because I will be there to advise again, in fifteen minutes.  My commitment to shift my thinking is due entirely to job appreciation.  I am thankful to have work in a system where paper pushers are being made redundant.  Most of my job duties and assignment have become electronic and are completed my providers.  The other reason is that my workplace has developed a “play nice program” in which they will be monitoring attitudes, and disciplining toward termination.  So, every day, I unpack my smile and attempt to be helpful as often as possible.  I acknowledge that this is an effort and I fall short at times.  These days, more often than not, I am successful.  It helps to think that I am excited to meet each person every night – anew.

My success is limited in my personal life.  Sometimes I miss the idea that I can be in a relationship with someone and actually share my life.  Other times I just let it go.  I know it looks like I’m not invested, but really it that I feel like it will make no difference what I say or how I feel.  I tire of endless arguments or discussions that seem to go nowhere. It‘s nice to have someone looking out for you, watching your back. But, at what cost?   I am past the sadness, disappointment, and let go of any expectations.  What I have left is a form of peaceful (meaning drama free) co-existence.

My life is full with my personal interest, my beautiful grand-daughter, my home and work.  My friends used to ask where I expected to include a romantic relationship.  My response was two hours here and two hours there.  After months of trying the daily thing, then the more days than not thing, we are back at a few hours here and there.  There are things I miss conceptually, but I so appreciate my peace and quiet, I just keep letting go. Letting go of my ideas, but not my hopes or dreams.  Instead, I preserve my relationships as bookmarks for what may be…

100 Ways to Love Your Body

Along the path of a healthier, happier, more interesting me, I am focusing this piece on loving my body and supporting others in loving theirs.  Here's a short list to help you get started. 

·         Listen to your body

We tend to get so busy moving through the day, we neglect our bodies.  We drink stimulants to wake or perk up, then depressants to wind down.  When we have body aches we take a pill to keep going, ignoring the need for rest and recuperation. As we listen and attend the voice of our bodies, our natural instincts will awaken and we will have the choice to honor ourselves more lovingly.

·         Appreciate your body

Take a moment to honor all that your body does – the power to transport “you” from here to there and back again.  Look in the mirror and touch all those lovely parts and places.  Even if you feel the need to change some aspect of your physical self, that change comes after acceptance of all that is, and the vision of what can be.  Massage love into the all of how you show up today. 

·         Positive Body Talk

Smile and greet your reflection with an affirmative and loving voice.  Offer your body words of joy and wonder rather than the popular tones of doubt and self-denigration.  Look longingly at the gift you have received and co-created and know that it is good. 

·         Feed your body healthy foods

The practice of temperance allows for the infusion of the bounty that nature offers.  Be thoughtful about what and how much you ingest.  Let choices, rather than denial, govern your decisions.  Know that what you put in feeds the all of you – mind, body and spirit. 

·         Move your body

We know that things left to sit become less flexible.  Energize the all of you with thoughtful movement – dance, play, walking, stretching, reaching, lifting, opening and expanding. Find what delights your body and do that.  Notice the sensations that awaken and honor those.  Free your mind from the fear of discomfort and cross your boundaries. 

·         Feed your body from the inside out

Our skin functions as protection, sensation, absorption, and storage and synthesis, among other duties.  As such, it deserves the very best we can offer.  Coating the skin with nutrient poor substances that clog and block the pores and cells defeats health at a basic level.  Imagine only applying to the outside what you would offer to the inside.  Using oils, lotions, balms and butters made from cold-pressed oils and eatable ingredients will support a healthy glow as well as internal nourishment.

·         Give your body sensuous touch

Get a massage.  Soak in a bath.  Linger in the shower.  Use your hands to apply soap, lotions and oils, lingering over sensitive areas and allowing gentle response time.  Learn how and what touch you appreciate.  When the time comes, you can share that information as an expert.

·         Cover your body in luxurious clothing

Dress your skin in luxury, whatever you deem that to be.  Be creative.  Find cottons, silks, linens, wools, or sky.  Drink in the joy of what touches your skin.

·         Breathe deeply

            Learn to exhale.  The inhale will take care of itself.

      Exhale with the intention of letting go.  Inhale drawing both breath and blessing into your body.  Exhale the expended, useless, toxins ready to be released.  Inhale the joy of life, for life is in the breath.  Fill the lungs.  Hold for a beat or two, and then let it all go.  Let the exhale be twice the length of your inhale.  Drop the shoulder and feel the difference.

·         Relax more

Find the moments that delight you and bring more of them into your life.  As you stand, sit or lie down, feel the support of the foundation beneath you and know you are fully supported – by the earth, the chair, or the bed/floor.  Allow your body to rest upon the platform that holds you and fully be there.  Be present.

·         Sleep longer, deeper, more peacefully

How can you live more lovingly in the only body you have?  What will have to shift for you to honor the vehicle that transports you through the day, and your life?  How does your perception shift as you reach for love and commit to giving that love to yourself?  Here's another opportunity to expand self-discovery and find a whole new world.

Let the Love Light in!

Namaste