Soul Massage

Thursday, December 20, 2012

The Real Me

I'm behind on posting. Life!

I've been hanging out at a dating site, but find that perhaps honesty is less than the best policy. Still, I am me. We are blanketed in our first snow of the year. Of all mornings to sleep in (very late), I wake to high winds, white ground cover, and my dog pacing for me to hurry. Granted, it has been almost eleven hours, so I mosey along.

I've had my coffee, but still need hours to wake. At this moment, I have 30 minutes until I walk out into that wind and make the trek to work. I almost want to drive, but maintain my commitment to walking. I am capable.

Then there's Max. Trotting along behind my every step. Lying at my feet when I sit. Racing me back to the kitchen for tea. I realize, I am a cat person. If they let me post this video to my profile it would be even more honest. I'm guessing this has something to do with my lack of replies.

If the world doesn't end tomorrow, I'll check in later. If it does, may we each have fulfilled our dreams daily.

On the journey...

Namaste

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Expensive is Relative

I am arrived in the city that calls my heart and holds my love - San Francisco. I love it! I am just back from a short, but very heavy shopping trip with a few essentials. I've really gotten into liqueurs, so picked up Triple Sec and Chambord. I have gifted Chambord - raspberry liqueur, but never tasted it. Pricey treat, but we will share it together.

Now that I type this, hmm. I was complaining about the cost of my Kettle Jalapeno Chips. Z says she doesn't want to hear it, that I quote the price of everything. That I do. Not because I'm cheap (I am thrifty), but because I am amazed at the increase. So, some things balance out. I paid more from the Triple Sec, but way less for the veggies. I wanted chocolate, but couldn't find anything I really liked. The poor choice I made in March is still on the counter. I ate one square and closed it back. Even desperate times won't make that palatable.

Back in there somewhere is a pomegranate. I used to buy them for Z when she was a child.  Yoga To The People, later. Dinner some place fun. I will cook while she is in class tomorrow. Golden Gate Park or Dolores Park, Rainbow Grocery, Jump'n Java, Oakland, Berkeley, and surely, and Ethiopian dinner with friends.

Back to the subject - living well is the fullness of experience. We each find what we enjoy and go for it. Every thing has a cost. If we are happy to pay and love what we get, it's worth it. Expense is debatable when it comes to living our joy.

Back in the city...

Namaste

Friday, November 30, 2012

Slobbering in my Keyboard

No Excuses!

Wow! This month was intense. I worked more hours than I care to. I tended my grand-daughters on my off time, and I wrote, and wrote and wrote. I cried as much as I typed. It was an incredible experience in that issues came up that I honestly have never faced before. Years of therapy didn't open these doors, but sitting at my desk pounding through the lives of my characters brought me to the realization that I don't have all the answers and it doesn't matter. This is not apathy, but rather, non-attachment. Things happened. People did what they did. Why? Because it worked for them, or looked like it would. Do your own thing and move on.

I researched life in Post-WWII, queer life in the south, winter hunting. I have three paper thesauruses, a notebook full of suggestions, and two tarot decks. Besides inventing a story, I opened their lives and hearts to the world and mine along the way. We struggled. We cried. We survived. Life is good!

Today we baked pumpkin beet muffins. DA wanted candles and she sang "Happy Birthday" to me. This is especially nice as her usually litany is, "GG, buy me something. For my birthday." I did, in October. They will be back in the morning when the games begin again.

Big ole by the way...San Francisco here I come!



Saturday, November 17, 2012

You Two Have Issues

November is for writing, as in frenzied writing. Ideally, I would produce 2000 words a day, as often as possible. That makes up for those times when I can only find 1500. I write less. I am tired and exhausted. The sun and moon were in Scorpio with a Mercury retrograde. This year's novel is a continuation of last year's story - there is some heavy shit to be faced.

I have always know the main character would have to face her past, but dragging her back home has pushed up more unresolved feelings in me. The other two characters are sloshing through a miasma of emotional slush - one with joy, the other, angst. Maybe this has something to do with my own exhausting.

Taking a break, I decided to sign up for an online dating service. I've not been impressed in the past, though in all honesty, I did connect with a writer I talk to every now and then, who has read a section of my work and offered helpful suggestions. I learned how intense editing can be.

The dating site has a zillion questions to answer and then matches me up. Sometimes I click a picture of the person who looks interesting. There is a tab across the top reading, "You Two Have Issues." There the matchbots explain all the ways  it looks like we are incompatible. Sometimes I agree. Since we know I have that LONG list of must haves, there is no point in pursuing relationships in contradiction to my desires.

On the other hand, I do not answer specific types of questions, ever. So the matchbots have some opinions of me that are not necessarily true. I come off very extreme and one-sided. While  intense, I have a few gray areas. I'm just not willing to discuss them in public.

The biggest issue for me is that my matches don't drink. They indicated "Never" as their drinking frequency. Me, I'm "Very Often." I only drink on special occasions, and days that end in "y". That's an issue for me. I've dated lots of non-drinkers. They were all in recovery. I've dated one drinker. It was great fun, until we moved in together. It did not end well. Alcohol adds fuel to the fire.

The site fills my piddling time. I've messaged a couple to people. They respond. That's nice. It breaks  isolation from my distress and that of my characters. I understand a bit more about my relationships and why I am single.

Maintaining relationship requires that we be willing to give up something we really want. In fact, we are conscious of that letting go as it happens. In that moment we decide if our relationship is worth it. This is true for all relationships - family, friends, co-workers, lovers, and community.

I have been in relationship with people who were unwilling to make sacrifices for our relationship. It was clear and hard. I learned to face the truth of my needs and accept that they were not available to meet them. (Nor could I show up as they required.) We were kind to each other, because we were clear - we had issues.

Wouldn't it be nice if you knew that up front, before emotional investment? However, I wouldn't trade those experiences for the world. They taught me to be myself.



Saturday, November 3, 2012

Being With What Is



Reality is a bitch. It just is. It doesn’t have to be, but in those first moments, before we come to full acceptance of what is, things can suck. We think we are upset, angry, distressed about the truth we have discovered. The reality is that our angst arises from dispelling the illusion. Whatever ideas, notions, hopes, or dreams we have held dissolve before our eyes and we are left with what feels like nothing.

There it is – you shall know the truth and the truth shall make you mad. I heard that from a friend during our discussion on the virtue of honesty. We live cloaked, hidden, clandestine lives to avoid going mad. Even those who claim to desire transparency have some spot reserved for privacy. Yes, there are those few who spout out every detail of their lives relaying excessive information, but their secret is the underlying cause of the behavior.

We are in the season of reflection and review. The last leaves are clinging to the branches, but the limbs are bare. The camouflage is fading and we can see through. This is what we claim we want – to see what is, to know the truth of it all, to find the meaning. To what end?

Last year, this time, I was in the final days before leaving my job. A beautifully crafted plan filled with hopes, dreams, and desires, funded by hard work and sacrifice, implemented with skill and determination, and finally artfully executed. I am still impressed (in case you can’t tell) and a little disappointed.

Life shifted and I followed along. Plans changed and I adjusted. Shit happened and I cleaned it up. I remained positive and cheerful in the face of challenge and adversity. I cried and laughed, and prayed. I asked others to pray in the places that I felt stuck. I thought the end would be different. It is not. 

Here we have disappointment – denied and unrealized expectation. Here also is the reality of what is. I am still crying. These tears release the fantasy I have carried for much of my life. Sometimes, what you see is all there is, for you. No amount of reworking and adjusting will change the situation. What I can change is my perspective and therefore, my perception. I can practice being with what is.



Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Speaker for the Dead

Bloom when you can, where you are.

"Sometimes lies are more dependable than the truth."
Ender's Game - Orson Scott Card

Fall. Pumpkins. Goblins and ghouls.

Parties and costumes and not a clue.

We are straddling the time between...

Summer and Winter

Plenty and Paltry

Life and Death

Ancestral Altar
I remember.

Samhain, All Hallow's Eve, Halloween, is the time of honoring those who have passed beyond the veil. This night is the time when the veil is thinnest between the worlds. It is honored (or feared) as the dead return; hence, costumes, jack-o-lanterns, and candy.

Each year I hold my loved ones in my heart and honor the love we shared, the support they extended and the adventure that continues in their absence. The photo is of my honored space on the north wall at the eastern side of my home. Each item represents an aspect of my life past - a place, time, or experience. Perhaps, a person.

I am challenged at this writing to type the words I considered. The Speaker for the Dead tells the story of one who has passed. The Speaker shares that person's life - their hopes, dreams, challenges, and accomplishments with clarity, understanding, and compassion. My intention was to be Speaker for my mother, who passed in March 2012.

There are a number of problems with this process. I do not know her well enough to answer even the basic questions. My story of my mother is filled with angst and woe (and a bit of resentment, still). I can only guess and suppose what challenges confronted her based on the distress she handed down to me. What I can offer is how my life is, because of who she was.

My mother had an obsession with putting money away. Beyond saving, she learned a tuck and hide (from her father) that I picked up. She didn't actually talk about it. I just knew that there must always be money someplace that no one else know about. I have learned to manage, budget and save, even in the most difficult of times. That was a gift.

My mother was a great cook and had great patience for sifting and measuring. She knew the value of better ingredients if one expected to have a delightful result. When others were using lard and margarine, we still baked with butter. When imitation vanilla came on the market, we bought pure. We were poor, yet she never lowered her standards for baking. Besides encyclopedias, we had lots of cook books to read.

While I was not impressed as a child of the 60s, my mother sewed most of our clothes. They were butt ugly. People laughed at me all the time. It seriously sucked. I was in college, working at Sears, before I could buy anything fashionable. When I had children, I made their clothes. The time and energy invested made me feel wonderful. I bought a bolt of fabric and made outfits to match. From newborn to grade school, I worked days and sewed nights. (I had some prairie persona going on.)

Something happened to my mother and she spend lots of time and energy pitting my father and siblings against me. Too bad. I didn't buy in. They did. Too bad, some more. There were moments that I felt overwhelmingly sad, hurt, lost and rejected. I made countless poor (less useful) decisions hoping for my mother's acceptance and approval. Running down the road one day, I realized that it didn't matter what I did, it wasn't coming.

I love my children, no matter what. I tell them so. When they were teens, they would offer scenarios to challenge the promise. No way. They are my family and I am committed to love and cherish them. Today they are adults, making and living their own lives and decisions. Do I agree? Not always. Love isn't dependent on agreement. Love is.

Samhain is the time when I open to the deep and abiding love I have shared in a time and place that has passed. I thought I would have this piece with my mother sorted before she died. I went when they called because I have been dragging this piece around my whole life. Something had to shift. That whole deathbed declaration fantasy... just didn't happen.


This moment we are in, here and now... This is it. Step up. Reach out and love another. There's no day but today.



Om Shanti Om

Saturday, October 20, 2012

The Graveyard Can Wait

A Life of Contradictions

Ah, togetherness...










I love my children and miss the moments we once shared; the way they followed me about like ducklings. I dressed us all from the same bolt of fabric for easy identification in case of separation. Those were the days.

And not.

I was 100% responsible for what happened with and to them. Children require sight on supervision until they are able to understand and discern safety, and practice good judgements. (Which means to do as I would do in the same situation.) I had been growing them up from birth to leave the nest, before I had to boot them out. My leg was cocked, in case of reluctance/resistance.

Today, they are adults, and while I hear from them occasionally, I miss the connection of tumbles and wrestling in the early mornings. Our only Christmas tradition was mimosa in bed for breakfast. Even as adults, with their partners, we all crawled in bed to drink, "Love and Happiness." That's enough.

I am still in love with my life, and even in the face of challenges to my choices, I continue. I save wherever I can, knowing that there is something greater that I desire. Freedom.

I believe in aging gracefully and naturally (with the help of Miss Clairol, L'Oreal, Feria, and John Freida). I take care of my skin by drinking lots of water, getting plenty of rest, and applying natural edible oils. Every now and then, I apply commercial cosmetic products - for fun.

I am concerned about my intake. I eat healthy, cooking much of what I ingest and share from "scratch." However, potato chips have been perfected by a number of companies and I am going to buy them. Here is my attempt at making microwave crisps. It was an interesting experiment that need not be repeated.


I believe in moderation. That's personal. I hear that one drink is equivalent to one beer, one five-ounce glass of wine, or one shot of liquor. Says who? When I am sharing, those are fine standards. If you brought your own, we will adjust. I believe in the freedom to choose. And whether that is chocolate, potato chips or booze, I want my judgement intact. (Generally, one bag, bottle, or bar equals one serving - mine.)

I believe in listening to my body; however, I live by a schedule. My body likes to stay awake into the wee hours of the morning. My schedule requires that I wake by 0700. My body loves coffee, but can't rest if it has caffeine after 1000. My body loves to hunker, lounge, stretch, and slug. It requires movement to function effectively. So, I walk to work to ensure exercise. Use a Pilates machine to strengthen and stretch. Practice yoga, sometimes (though mostly in my mind these days).

I believe in giving myself a break. Ease and effort. That's what life is about. Finding the balance so that we can reach for and push the edge, then step back and recoup. The life of a Scorpio can at times feel like a race to jump over the next cliff, or a free fall and crashing into the valley.

I pay attention. That fall and subsequent injury meant slow down. Walking through the the pain means look where you are going. Society celebrates those who are running the rat race and scorns them when they fall from the pedestal. Grow up. Get and education. Work hard. Make money. Be "successful." Then die. There will be great stories told about our life to inspire others (to do the same).

For me, the graveyard can wait.

Be awesome. Do what you love. Find friends to share the adventure. Sing. Play. Dance. Write. Go outside and look up. Keep looking up. Breathe deeply. Live.

Thank you to all my readers!

I think to you often.

Namaste.

Saturday, October 13, 2012

The Pumpkin Festival

Huge Pumpkins, Fields and Yards of Pumpkins, Bounce house, Fairy Dresses
Wow!

What a day. I have just been way too busy to stop and post long ass opinions. I still have them and occasionally take the time to write. Just not post. Since I spend Friday, Saturday and Sunday with my grand-daughters, we are busy, busy, busy.

Today we went to the Pumpkin Festival. It seemed as if the entire town plowed and planted pumpkins. There were homes with pumpkins lining the yards, porches, and walkways. You could buy them from wagons, piles, stacks, or fields - where you pick them yourself. They were wooden, ceramic, glass, or gourds painted to look like pumpkins.

There were plenty of activities for the children and I am thankful to have found a very well organized bounce house. I offered DA the chance to ride a horse, but she passed until it was time to go. By then it was raining. I had hoped to post beautiful fall foliage; however, between the overcast skies and the dust kicked up from vehicles, the photos pale with reality. Still, there were moments...

Now that I am typing, I realize, I didn't see or smell any pumpkin pie, cookies or bread. The entire town smelled like a carnival - blooming onions, potato tornadoes, funnel cakes, cotton candy and more deep fried stuff.

Not that any of that was attractive, but we had granola bars and water. DA, like a hummingbird, was  attracted to sweet colorful drinks. We learned "see with our eyes, not with our hands." There were all kinds of pretties and bobbles to buy. They had more tulle dresses than I have ever seen. Beautiful! And very expensive - $25 each.

On the way home we stopped and bought five yards of tulle for $5.36 and two head bands at $1.99 each. I took a crochet hook and looped strips of tulle through the holes. At the dollar store we got new wings, blue hair, and a wand. Now DA is Tinkerbell, or a princess, or a ballerina, or a mermaid. We keep a collection of interchangeable items for each persona.

You never know who you might be until the moment comes.

This was a cool pumpkin...
Pumpkin chimineas - There is a fire burning inside

Happy Halloween!

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Ranting and Raving

I am so busy.
I am doing it all.
I work three jobs. One I love. I get to think, create, investigate, research, look for openings and options and reach for the greatest possibilities.
The other is the call center situation. It teaches me to let go, to remember that "it's not personal," and every now and then to connect with incredibly interesting people, both on the phone and in the next cubical.
Then there's the third. It is a direct care position providing support of people with diagnoses on the developmental disability scale. This is work I appreciate and do well. It can be challenging and rewarding. The staff and administration, well that's something else. I have a long list but we are going to stick with the present (or recent past).

After a full day I raced across town in 5 pm traffic to make a 5:30 meeting. When I park there is a man at the door waving me to go faster. I am already exhausted. I forgot about eating and only had a granola bar with water since the morning. I was hoping they were providing dinner. I get to the door and he says, "I just wanted you to hurry. They are ready to start."

Out comes the director and says we can not attend. We are late. There are three of us standing there. I explain that I was delayed due to traffic and that there was no notice or indication that we would be denied access on the post for the meeting. She explained that people had shown up 15 - 20 minutes late (for the previous meetings) and if she made one exception she would have to make another. I pulled out my phone and after all our carrying on it was 5:32 pm.

"I'm sorry. Those are the rules."

When I am hungry and tired, and feeling put out, "Bitch" will not quite cover my reaction. I know I said, "Fine!" because that's my trade for "Fuck!" Lots of stomping and carrying on to my car, I pull out to drive away. I stopped and talked to another staff who had been turned away and she said she arrived at 5:29 and was told to leave. The third person was walking back home. After this week, I understand why they have so few staff and low commitment.

On the other hand, Tuesday evening is my only night at home. And where am I? At home!!! I ran to get yogurt and half and half (and more stuff, remember, I was shopping tired, hungry and angry). I stopped by the library and picked up two books on hold. And I decided my nom de plume for my novel. And look...I posted.

These books get great raves and I can't wait to read them. I have a few tasks to complete then a long soak with a cup of tea and a good book. Even when we don't know it, things are working out as needed and we are blessed.
Have a wonderful week!

Write on!

Friday, October 5, 2012

Too Much of a Good Thing

Food Should Taste Good
Check out that label. Generally, that's thought of as the good stuff. We don't all care about every symbol, but these folks have hooked up and turned on the neon "Go ahead, eat it all" sign.

In my home, there are lots of foods that meet that criteria. I cook and I love to eat. It works for me to only keep healthy snacks at home because I hear special whispers from brand name jalapeno potato chips. And I respond! Even if it means I have to travel to make the purchase.

But just because it looks good and taste good doesn't mean you can eat to your heart's or stomach's delight. Beyond moderation, some things you can only have one of.

Take black bean brownies, made with prunes (and black beans, of course).
That's a lot of fiber. Yummy chocolatey, smooth and creamy fiber. Fiber is good for you. Thirty-five grams a day will keep a body regulated. But enjoy too much and that smooth move will become a ragged run.

Then there's over sleeping. Some days I am still exhausted after seven hours. Without some commitment, I am likely to roll over and pass out for an additional two hours. When I oversleep, I actually start over. By the time I wake again I am groggy rather than refreshed and when I crawl out of bed I remember why I had planed to wake early. For those of us with joint pain, extra time immobile increased waking discomfort.

Too much water can mean urgent and immediate searches for toilets. Water is great for hydrating our bodies, but sometimes we have to plan for elimination, especially in conjunction with fiber. On the other hand, I hear that if you drink plenty of water before bedtime you are sure to wake. Stave off that fear of dying in your sleep.

Too much moments can be funny or distressing. We usually don't know we've had too much until it's too late. Tummy aches, aching bodies, embarrassing videos or annoying nicknames remind us of poor choices. On the other end of the spectrum, just enough seems also to come in retrospect.

We think back and realize that, yes, there was enough. We made time for what was important. It was tight, but we squeezed in where we fit. We were exhausted, but everything got done. Sure, we thought we needed more money, but we made do. When the priority is love, being connected is what matters most. In love, there is enough.

Life is busy. I write, but posting may be delayed by dreaming...

May your days be filled with love and laughter and countable moments of knowing enough.

Monday, October 1, 2012

Monday Melodies

Here's my welcome to the week. I work overnight, so will be asleep the day.

Here's to a wonderful week.

Be someone!

Saturday, September 29, 2012

Creative Excitement

It's the weekend and DA and I are in full motion.

I gathered some nail polish, glitter glue, yogurt containers and glow sticks

We used the giant coloring book for a protective surface, sort of...

I decided that we would call this cake decorating and the glow sticks are the candles.

Black bean brownies. Recipe at All Acts of Love.

I am actually taking these to work to share. I am so excited. They looks and taste like fudge.

DA has already licked her fingers. Checking for more.
Yesterday we made Chocolate Sweet Potato Cake. Posted under Add-ins. Thankfully my son came along to take some away. It's nice to share.

The baby is asleep, so I've actually had time to investigate formatting my novel for Kindle. Seems I am stealing moments to edit these days. I did hear about a break book I want to read. Check it out - Telegraph Avenue by Michael Chabon. Excellent interview with the author on NPR.

Day is done!


Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Like a Good Neighbor...

Due to excessive claims and economic conditions, Millers First Insurance Companies have pulled out of my state. Sadness of sadness!

As a result, I have been searching for new home coverage for the last month. I have talked to a lot of agents, answered lots of questions and learned much more than I knew before. My home and auto policy deductions were $100 and $250. It seems companies these days start home deductions at $1000. Boo!

Miller's set the standard for great coverage and customer service. I switched to Millers when I didn't get a renewal from my last insurance company. That was more than twenty years ago. My agent shined better than any TV commercial actor ever could.

One morning I was driving along the main drag when a red truck pulled out from a side street. Another car swerved to avoid collision with it. Instead, the car plowed into my front end, spun around and hit the passenger side, leaving me twisted and abandoned on the road. I called my agent, Will Cornelison, and he drove out to the accident site. After assessing that the car was not drivable, he drove me to the car rental company and set me up in a vehicle. He called the tow truck and had it carried away for the adjuster. Though shaken and distressed, I continued my day.I have had several accidents since then and while he didn't drive out to rescue me, he was always available to support me through the process. One day her retired and Miller's went to a toll-free customer service. They are just as helpful - understanding and compassionate.

I've chosen a new company. They are WAY more expensive. I have been living by grace at the prices I paid. This agent seems really nice. He looked at me strange when I shared the story above. I have high standards for my insurance company.

I have some issues with the company politics, but I will let go and see how this year goes. I have set a reminder for 08.01.13 to reconsider. Let me say, I hear lots of people do well with online quotes and distance insurance companies, but I am still looking for a personal connection.

Miller's was a fabulous company. They went through some changes before and I hope that during this reorganization they will continue to provide quality insurance coverage and value to their remaining customers.

{Collective *sigh*}

Friday, September 14, 2012

Cool Friday!

Along with the drastic change in temperatures (80 to 59)- we have jumped into fall weather here, there is a change in the music player just above. Soul Massage has released their debut album. Check out the song. Buy the eight track album for $7.

It's been along week with work and applying for additional jobs. I'll post on Far More Interesting about that adventure. However, I discovered a yummy coffee treat.
It looks decadent, yet only required stirring the coffee and shaking the half and half. Pour into the whirl. A little extra something for my morning.

Here is a brief look at my new gadget. Taking a decent picture was more challenging than I planned.


I have compared it with my HTC phone. I am an avid Kindle reader. I travel with my phone, but read my tablet at home. They are both nice for reading in the dark and easily adjust both font size and background color. I was hankering for the name brand gizmo, but found the I-view for $79. I've provided the link to check out the product. I am a Newegg fan, but they are out there elsewhere as well.

One more goodie. I recently picked up a no contract cell phone from Ting mobile. While you have to buy your device, the monthly charge is only $6 and you can choose the plan that works for you. Plans start as low as $3 for 100 minutes and $3 for 100 text. Buy what you need or nothing at all and they will adjust your bill as needed. We started with no plan and have found that $5 for 1000 text will probably serve us fine. Go to the site and compare what you're paying now with the possibility of saving more than 60%.

If you'd like even more savings. Here's a link to save $25 on the purchase of your device. Have fun!

Let me know what you think.

And, make today a great day!

Day is done. Busy and a bit over the top, but there was a box waiting for me when I got home and this was inside.
Capresso H2) PLUS Glass, Cordless, Safety Water Kettle
I redeemed my points from Zoom Panel. This is an item I have wanted for years and when I searched the catalog I had more than enough points. I participate in several survey panels and for the most part, it is more than worth it! More on recent cash ins at Far More Interesting... Later.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

No Kiss Dating...

Or, why I am single.

No matter how I look at my current unattached situation, it's as clear as crystal on a sunny day. My romantic calendar remains open. There are reasons...
  • I love being with myself.
  • I love my stuff, exactly where it is - all the time.
  • I am freakishly controlling. I row my boat and am clear I can roll your boat better than you can.
  • I have three children, two grandchildren, friends, two jobs, nine blogs, a book to edit, one to write, chores I diss, home repairs to get at, movies to watch, and the first reason.
  • I am kind of particular about a few things - food, money, household items - toothpaste, toilet paper, cloth napkins. I prefer natural essences (rather than commercial), the lights off and space heat rather than central. 
If I meet the "right person" I might adjust, but later I would be pissed off and resentful. The list of things I can't stand and would not tolerate grow daily. As I get older, there's less shit I am willing to put up with.

This is my current list of bits I can't stand. It only applies to romantic connections, rather than dating or friends. However, while I might actually date someone with these elements, it would end there.
  • People who leave the car running in park.
  • Soda (or alcohol) as daily fluid intake versus water.
  • No clue about prices - food, gas, housing
  • Unwilling to walk for 30 minutes at a stretch
  • Doesn't care for being out of doors - parks, trails, farms
  • Requires artificial environmental controls - heating/AC
  • Wasteful or non-recycling
  • Drinks minimal plain water
  • Teatottlers
  • Non-reader/writers
  • Poor at electronic communication - text and email etiquette
  • Early over-disclosing/TMI
  • Smokers
  • Closed minded/Tunnel vision
The first list was formed after being in relationship with people who have embodied all elements of the second list. The second list are things one could observe easily or on the first date/meeting. Of course, there are deeper issues to explore, but relationships fail because of the nit picking, pet peeves, and needling annoyances that occur daily.

Relationships are hard work and deciding to spend our lives with another person takes deep commitment. Today I am clear about who I am and what I am willing to endure. There is no point in pretending I can put up with things that bother me just to indulge my passions/obsessions. Which is why I will not date someone I can't kiss.

Been there. Done that. There are plenty of reason to avoid swapping slobber. I accept them, but not in relationship.

Live authentically!

Saturday, September 8, 2012

At Week's End

Authentically me!
It's been a long week and seems like I just couldn't catch a real break. After all the time invested in my friend's wedding, I collected my grand-daughter for Sunday night through Tuesday morning. We stayed busy and didn't even bake cookies or ferment anything. We did however, make seed bead jewelry and a mermaid tail. You gotta know, mermaids in the house are messy.

On a sad note, my insurance company, of twenty plus years, is pulling out of the state and has sent out non-renewal letters. Therefore,  much of my spare time during the day has gone to searching for new coverage. I found out that I have been woefully under insured on my home and my new policy will be almost twice what I have been paying. I guess I get to recognize I had 19 years of grace. This when the lender was lowering my mortgage payment beginning October. One step forward...

Jobs, jobs, jobs, and just over broke. I am working my call center job and still training for the the direct care position. One more training session next week and I will be able to begin the in-house shadowing. Next, the actual over night hours. But, guess what? I have yet another interview with the state agency that has twice chosen differently. I have decided that perhaps my mission is to interview and show up authentically. I'm no longer interested in working for or with this particular organization. I do like to interview.

Great news! I have a few leads on working at home. I will be checking them out over the next few weeks and will post on my findings. I still owe a post on my new gadget which I am loving, and I have worked up a post on why I am single. Plus, I am thinking around November's novel. This year is zooming along.

See you next week! (Unless I get a burst of energy.)





Tuesday, September 4, 2012

The Wedding Gift

The greatest gift is a portion of thyself.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

After another night of rain, I drove back to the farm expecting to meet a morning crew prepared to continue the work of the day before. There were still numerous tasks to complete before we lost the bride to the hair artist and the guest began at arrive.

At the announcement from my friend that she was getting married and the question of my attendance, I told her, "Of course. I have to sleep with the bride before the wedding." I decided Saturday that the better gift would be the shift of my intention. She thought M would appreciate that as well. 

Then began my thinking/angst around offering a gift - that I could afford. I came up with a couple of choices, but not quite how I see myself. However, I believe in tithing time, talent and treasure. I filled my gas tank and made that trip three times to get ready and attend the celebration. 

It was a fabulous choice. I was mislead regarding the number of people who would arrive to work Sunday morning. Yet, the work got done...

Before the straw there was mud and weeds

Table clothes and center pieces - Sunday morning

Table setting complete for reception after the wedding

Getting the party started
It was a beautiful ceremony, excellent food, and great music. There were elements of simplicity and bits of extravagance. The favors are first harvest local honey and mint.

Saturday, September 1, 2012

The Wedding Party

After a summer of drought, Issac brought the rain. Rain, rain, and more rain. So much of a good thing...

Today was the gathering for flower arranging for tomorrow's wedding. It sounded like fun and was a huge push for me to move beyond my home and socialize with new and interesting people. Besides, my friend is getting married. Let's go see...

Fresh picked organic flowers from the farm and neighbors

The table of completed center pieces with an artist still at work.

The musicians and officiates for tomorrow's ceremony

My creation. You're going to see a lot of this as I posit ideas about the arrangement.

Another table of arrangements.
After we finished, we had the flower parade and took photo with our creations

We were given the greenery, clippers, and thousands of flowers to create our master/mistress pieces. There were refreshments available - beer, sparkling water, cheese, hummus, crackers and pita chips. The musicians played as we worked, talked and socialized. It was a fabulous way for family and friends to met and share time and space.

However, because of all the rain, there was even more work to get ready for a farm wedding...
Inside the tent we spread straw to cover the muddy ground. Later we set up the tables. Tomorrow, we will arrive early to hang decorations, set the tables and prepare for guest. I was not actually planning to return before the wedding, but if you had seen the sad look on this guy's face when I said that you would understand why I will.

This is good for me. I am strong, capable, and competent. I may as well get out of bed and go help all the other people who showed up have a fabulous day. They came from Iowa. Me, I'm just thirty minutes down the road.