Reality is a bitch. It just is. It doesn’t have to be, but in those first moments, before we come to full acceptance of what is, things can suck. We think we are upset, angry, distressed about the truth we have discovered. The reality is that our angst arises from dispelling the illusion. Whatever ideas, notions, hopes, or dreams we have held dissolve before our eyes and we are left with what feels like nothing.
There it is – you shall know the truth and the truth shall make you mad. I heard that from a friend during our discussion on the virtue of honesty. We live cloaked, hidden, clandestine lives to avoid going mad. Even those who claim to desire transparency have some spot reserved for privacy. Yes, there are those few who spout out every detail of their lives relaying excessive information, but their secret is the underlying cause of the behavior.
We are in the season of reflection and review. The last leaves are clinging to the branches, but the limbs are bare. The camouflage is fading and we can see through. This is what we claim we want – to see what is, to know the truth of it all, to find the meaning. To what end?
Last year, this time, I was in the final days before leaving my job. A beautifully crafted plan filled with hopes, dreams, and desires, funded by hard work and sacrifice, implemented with skill and determination, and finally artfully executed. I am still impressed (in case you can’t tell) and a little disappointed.
Life shifted and I followed along. Plans changed and I adjusted. Shit happened and I cleaned it up. I remained positive and cheerful in the face of challenge and adversity. I cried and laughed, and prayed. I asked others to pray in the places that I felt stuck. I thought the end would be different. It is not.
Here we have disappointment – denied and unrealized expectation. Here also is the reality of what is. I am still crying. These tears release the fantasy I have carried for much of my life. Sometimes, what you see is all there is, for you. No amount of reworking and adjusting will change the situation. What I can change is my perspective and therefore, my perception. I can practice being with what is.