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Tuesday, January 25, 2011

My Life. My Way. Now.

No matter how hard we work (or play) what does it serve if we are not living our lives; if we are continually kowtowing to the desires of others? At what point do we wake up into who we are and what we actually desire?
When I was just over thirty years old, I was asked, “What would it look like if you lived your life, your way?”  This was my first introduction to the idea that I had a choice in how I lived my life.  Prior to this time, I had been living my life in compliance or opposition to the whims, demands, or expectations of my parents.  I probably didn’t consider my peers as much as what my parents would think if they found out what I was doing.  I had this view that they were omniscient and that I was always on the verge of being in big trouble.
What is most important to note is that I made lots of choices outside of that my parents would have found acceptable.  I inhabited an underground compartmentalized segmented world where I was either “good” or “wild.”  I lived in excess in either space, moving from one extreme to the other depending on the company I kept.  And, never, did my worlds collide. Survival depended on neither meeting nor knowing of the other.  This was a stressful juggling act, to say the least and I suffered greatly from the emotional pressure.
The day I received that option – my life, my way – I collapsed.  I was heart-broken.  Who knew?  As I stood before the forum of supportive eyes, a huge black hole opened up and I felt swallowed.  My fear strangled me, threatened to tell, tattle, report, and reveal that I was reaching beyond the parameters.  I stood wondering what I could possibly think or do.  At that moment, I knew I had never lived my life, had never made an independent decision, and had no clue what my personal desires might be.  We all carry the filters installed by those who reared us.  As they become apparent we have the choice of removing them and seeing the world anew.  Of course, that choice also includes maintaining a comfortable concept.
My entire life was comprised of hope for love and acceptance through meeting expectations of others.  Every decision I had made, even as an adult, was based on whether I would receive welcome.  That question was the beginning of a self-discovery that continues to this day.  Rather than living my life in accordance with another’s plans, I ask – “What will bring my deepest joy?  What are my heart’s desires? How will this promote my highest good?”
To live clearly and freely within one’s own hopes and dreams takes great courage.  There are always those who will lay their expectations onto you.  They are attached with the glue of guilt and the staples of shame.  We must learn to stand firmly and accept responsibility for the lives we choose to lead.
Why wait?  What will it take for YOU to live YOUR LIFE, YOUR WAY, NOW?
“There is only one success–to be able to spend your life in your own way.” -Christopher Morley

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