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Saturday, February 25, 2012


I am just returned from my family of origin and discovered that there is little truth to what I have believed all these years. One time when I was boo-hooing about being left out, my aunt told me that perhaps ignorance was bliss. I held that for years, but every now and then there would be an event and again I would feel slighted. On this visit, we talked about a particular family gathering that was stuck in my craw and she enlightened me with the facts. Nope. I am happy to have been neglected. The reality is, most things have worked out just fine. It has been my feelings of rejection that keep up the angst on my end.

As my mother's prognosis has worsened I have repeated these journey back frequently. On this one we relived oatmeal, lima beans, Father John's, and enemas. Each topic seemed to lead down a path deeper into some insane plot toward ultimate control. There were moments I didn't think I could bear to hear more and others in which I was fascinated at what I have believed to be true all these years.

The discussion settled on the deep hurts that must have been and the distress we perpetrated on one another (as children). As adults, those hurts have settled into our lives and shape the people we are. I want to write about the insanity, yet am too close to find any perspective today. It is still to raw for us to discuss as siblings, or we are still drinking the Kool-aid. Once you get used to it, it ain't so bad.

The doctors have called to gather the family. They have given my mother a matter of days. As we cross the threshold of origin, memories flood forth. There is no stopping what comes up. Well, I say that, but I know the coping mechanisms are already in place.

It is the season of review, release, and renewal. I am thankful to have made a commitment to this process.

My favorite movie for family drama (read dysfunction) is Daddy's Dyin Who's Got The Will. (Instant view on Netflix - VERY funny!)

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