Give Out!

That's a knit and crochet donation from the fall. Knitting is my new passion. I learned to knit in May this year and pick my needles up daily to create beauty and ease my mind.

I've been working this 40 hour weekend gig and keeping my grand-daughters Monday - Thursday. It is busy. Busier than I ever wanted to be. I take frequent down moments, but as much as I want to claim I let go, the truth is I hold on tight.

Over the past two months I have been so intense, uptight, and bent out of shape that my back gave out. I thought I was working on it. By the time the pain started I was steeped in the pissoffedness of the situation(s). Finally, Friday, I could not get out of bed.

A visit to the chiropractor granted we the weekend off and bed rest with ice. I can't remember the last time I had so much time to myself for myself. Thank you G!d.

I'm going back next weekend. I was working on a new attitude. It is even more important now. This is all about me. The following weekend I will be on vacation. We have great movement plans - lots of walking in the city. Urban cardio...

As I lay on my pilates table, I realized my pelvis has tightened into a forward tilt, effectively spilling my energy out. My focus will be to bring my mind, body, and spirit back into balance. To set the bowl upright again. I have over shared. I am give out. These days at home are time for me to reassess my choices of how and when I give.

Here are some of the pretties I knit since May -

Haggard Moments

Generally, I am all about peaceful moments, especially in the morning. I move slowly. Drink my coffee and find a place to rest outside. I am surrounded by the lush greens and bright flowers. It is still wet and rainy even as the summer heats up. The depth of green protects the lilies that would have faded by now.

Then this morning comes. I'm going to take a moment to complain about the insanity of it all. Of course it all works out in the end, but we are not there yet. So, here is the report from along the journey...

I have this job...

And I have these commitments to being and showing up in loving, supportive ways for others...

And then, there's me.

I work forty hours on the weekend. The work's fine. Lots of ease. Little effort. There would be less effort if I didn't get pissed off about the things I cannot change. That's my personal challenge. As I type, I realize I have stepped away from my initial angst that had me writing my resignation - in a text message. (Yes, I would do that, and break up on a post it note.)  I have no reason to resign. It was just a feeling, and feelings change.

Well, how about that. Things have shifted. I feel better and now, I have tasks to do. There is still this job. I still have way more obligations than make sense, but I will untangle this ball of yarn and knit something better.

My new and good for this report - I learned to knit in May. Now I knit and crochet, daily. That's how I am keeping it together.

How about you?

Lenten Reflections 2015

These are the April flowers of my world. My tulips will all open within the next week then begin their fade. It is imperative that I stay in this moment if I have any hope of enjoyment or pleasure from their appearance. And I do.

Thankfully, there are directed moments in my life so that I rise early, leave the house, and make a slow traverse on return. I have built-in time to "smell the roses."

Over these last forty odd days, I have reviewed my obsessions, quirks and whims. They are many. Sometimes I was overwhelmed at just how out of sorts some areas of my life have become. Forget the pretense of having it all together. It is just shoved into piles as I kick a path through my day.

This year, for the Lenten Season, I committed to letting go of my indulgence around purchasing yarn and alcohol - liquor specifically. The issue was not doing without, but rather, delaying the purchase of more. For even as I can display the vast enoughness of plenty, I have a deep abiding urge to get more, more, more.

I faced and addressed my feelings as I completed a crochet project from my adequate yarn stash. What longing lies beneath the need for more yarn? Same issue as I poured a shot of whiskey. In my angst, I will delay drinking the last corner, waiting until the bottle can be replaced. I want more. The truth is, always has been, I have enough.

Owning the enoughness of life challenges the need for more. There was enough yarn to complete the project. I have enough whiskey for this drink. And the biggest unmentioned issue, I earn enough money to give, save, and pay my bills. What more can I ask for? While you may ask for more, I am happy, content, and joyful with enough.

All around my space, I have posted reminders to embrace enough. This Lenten Season honed my focus, not just on enough, but on the areas where I have obsessively gathered too much. Not only must I let go of grasping for more, but also release my grasp of what I have.

Spring urges the energy from the bulbs for leaves and flowers. Holding on means stagnation, rotting, and death. I am inspired by giving and letting go knowing that I am part of the reciprocity cycle. The more you give, the more is given to you.

Blessed be!

Imagine. Visualize. Verbalize.

Today is the first day...

I've been dreaming of a new laptop for so long. Not just dreaming, pining, aching, longing. There are lots of things I think I just have to have. I am slow to purchase. I have so much. But the laptop fever seemed to have taken hold tightly. It was shaking me up.

I work the weekends, offering me hour upon hour to search for specs and deals. Believe it or not, last weekend I found a 15 inch Acer Aspire with 320 GB HD, 2 GB DDR3 L Memory and Intel Celeron Processor for under $200 - no tax or shipping and handling.

Oh, I fretted. Wow! and double WOW! What to do... I searched, researched, read reviews, looked for issues, delayed and considered, then I bought it. Yep.

One week later, I am typing this post, at work, on my new laptop. 

In my head, I think this will open up more online earning opportunities. I have the time and in the past have earned nicely doing surveys and focus groups.In reality I can watch movies on my laptop and use my tablet to read crochet patterns. I live to tie knots.

Whatever you believe, your desires become your reality. For what are beliefs but thoughts you continue to think.

Please check out my Lenten Reflection Blog. I am posting from The Book of Blessings. This week focuses on compassion and kindness.

If we desire something different, we must tell a new story. (Abraham Hicks)

Reclaiming Time

We are all moving through life one step at a time. Some days we leap and run up the stairs; others are a challenging and grueling event. We deserve an award for even considering the effort.

Today, I would rather sleep. Just hunker under the covers and wait for the moment I am absolutely required to leave my peace and quiet. I've done it. Stayed in bed and waited. It was good; until, it wasn't.

The girls arrive and then no matter how I feel, I have to get a move on. I mean, "Bust a move!"

I was using that time in bed to reclaim my life, my energy, some bits that I lose by working 40 hours in a row. However, I was losing my Monday. That means that instead of having five days of my own, I donated another 16 hours to the making of my money.

This morning, hard as it was, I got up just past 9 AM. That still gave me nine hours in bed. It took until 11 AM to get out the door for the days errands. And two hours later as I sit warming my lunch, I am exhausted. I could easily crawl back into my bed. But no. In less than an hour, the first little one will arrive and I must be ON. Her movement requires nothing less. No half stepping.

For today, I reclaimed from my bed five hours I had thought to donate. Perhaps tonight I will get to sleep earlier. Perhaps, but not likely. The day is unwritten.

On a deeper note - I will be posting to Lenten Reflections 2015. While out I found a book I will use for direction and reflection. More later, there.

Bright blessings!