“Change isn’t easy, Micky. Changing the way you live means changing how you think. Changing how you think means changing what you believe about life. That’s hard, sweetie. When we make our own misery, we sometimes cling to it even when we want so bad to change, because the misery is something we know. The misery is comfortable.”
That passage comes from a recent Dean Koontz novel I am reading. Amazing how the Universe is always speaking to us. A song here, poem there. Maybe a billboard with an announcement, quote or picture. If we are open to direction and willing to shift our perspective, we will find the support we need to live our lives filled with joy, passion and love.
Today is ninety days and counting. There are moments I am so excited and others I feel pounded by criticism. I have made this decision before – twice, and each time I was met with intense, overwhelming massive fear from those around me. Not that is was any of their business. They were neither feeding, financing nor f*cking me. Just meddling and worrying for the sake of it. It’s the letting go of those memories that will serve me best today.
I have reworked my finances, some more. Today there are a few expenses that may be considered luxuries that I intend to maintain as long as I can.
Netflix: I will switch to streaming only which will cost less than $10 a month.
Cable/Internet: the cost of separating is absorbed in the additional charge for not having cable. I may rethink this later, but for now it cost $55.
Android phone: I am thankful to have unlimited data, text and plenty of minutes for $70. While I could switch to a less expensive plan, this is my only phone and serves as my music player, Kindle, and mobile internet connection. I love it!
Downloading music: just for a few more months I plan to keep my plan. It cost $12 a month and I can easily suspend it if necessary. I have several streaming options, but for today, it stays.
Living stress-free means living free of debt. I am committed to limit the use of credit to petro and it means paying at the pump and NO temptation inside the store. As I was preparing to install a new faucet, I found that the repair was simple and free, so returned the new faucet to the store and the refund applied to my credit card.
For the last two weeks I have spend only cash for my groceries and made do with what is in the house. Yesterday I baked muffins for work. I needed to use up some goods that I bought, but do not eat myself. As I clear out my pantry I will be able to plan meals and shopping more effectively. I also get to be creative with what there is.
I am reworking the 4T Program (Tithing your Time, Talent and Treasure for Prosperity and The Fullness of Life). I have found this process of consciousness changing to be powerful and supportive in the past and return to it as I shift again. Even though the lessons are familiar, it is helpful to be reminded of the process and find tools to overcome obstacles, especially fear.
Money isn’t everything. We know that. Well, most of us know. This is bigger that income and budgets. These are the opportunities to redefine who we are – who I am. I have been daughter, sister, lover, mother, massage therapist, teacher, clerk, social worker, telephone operator, yogi, teacher some more, and some more. Those were not just my jobs, but sometimes, how I saw myself and presented myself to the world. As I rework the “I AM” of me, I release the roles, titles, and positions I have filled and open to all possibility. What I need most is the space to dream.
“Re-examine all you have been told – dismiss what insults your soul” (Walt Whitman)
We must choose the re-examination before we can identify what must change.
May we be happier, healthier, and far more interesting.