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Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Lenten Musings 3

As the season comes to a close, I continue to assess the choices I have made and am making daily. In the realm of letting go, I decided the best way to let go of fifty items a day was to use up the supplies I have been storing over the years. My deep freeze was full and this became the opportunity to begin cooking meals for the week, utilizing the items available, without going to the store and adding to the process.
I delayed shopping for eight days. The problem I found was that some “emergency” supplies had gone bad - expired. Seems you can’t save everything for a rainy day. So, we ate up food, threw away wasted items, recycled piles of papers, bottles, and cans I have been storing for reuse. The reality is I will get more. There is no need to save it all.
This week I returned to the store for half and half, no waiting on that. I passed on even looking at the liquor section as that is one of my major obsessions. And since I decided I would not buy any more liquor (or wine) I also stopped drinking it up. I ran out of yogurt and though I replaced my basic needs in one trip, I picked up another dozen or so today. I will be okay with that choice.
I can feel shopping. Those items above do not meet the internal need to just shop, to look, compare, then purchase. As I wade though my feelings around my relationship shift, I find that the lost of both brings up feelings of longing. I easily shift without succumbing but I notice they are connected. In the past, I comforted myself with the knowledge that life was much less expensive without a partner/lover/grrlfriend.  I always receive the best, most perfect gifts because I know exactly what I desire. And I buy for myself.
I am reading, writing, journaling, studying, praying, mailing more cards, notes and letters. I am talking to friends occasionally. More than anything, I have a deeper understanding of the side trips I have made in the last year and am taking actions to correct the directions. My have a better garden plan. I workout regularly - either at the gym, on the trail, or out and back around my neighborhood.
I will conclude the Lenten season in San Francisco with the lovely Z! We will have coffee in the city, tea at her place, share yoga at Yoga To The People. We will take lots of pictures and celebrate Earth Day together. My life is good. I imagined having a wonderful joyous experience and this is it!
Look to this day!

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