Saturday, August 4, 2012
However, one week ago my car just stopped. I collected it today from the service station and now have $1750 in debt. It is the beginning of the month and bills are due again. I looked at my bank accounts. Hmm...Rapid heart rate. Flush. Long slow exhale...
I'm just putting it out there, honestly. Sometimes I, ever so slightly, have a moment of panic. It doesn't hang around long. My right mind knows the truth - everything is as it is. Free of shoulds, woulds, and coulds, we can step into the moment and make decisions that are fresh and new.
In a few minutes I will leave for my temp job that started yesterday. I got a call back for a job offer, but they want me to have Saturday evening availability and to come in Tuesday at 1:30 to discuss the offer. I need to work Tuesday at 1 PM. I have an unpaid orientation Wednesday and Thursday that will pay more than either of these jobs and give me more convenient hours (for all those who make demands on my time, energy and effort). It is possible I could work two of these jobs, with more ease than effort.
That's how my panic resolves. These are the choices for today. The only one I have to act on today is going to work. That's it. I've paid the mortgage. I have shelter. There is plenty of food. Air is still free.
A year ago, I committed to letting go of the illusion of security. I made a plan. Plans are a form of security. We all build foundations that hold our lives in place. When they are shaken, we panic. Now, do we repair, rebuilt, or allow life to lead us to the next great adventure?
When your world is trembling, who do you turn to?