Valerian dreams

On my journey to better sleep, meaning that I both get to sleep and stay asleep, I have devised a concoction which seems to help – most of the time. I read every article on sleep and sleep issues.

In my own practice, I sleep in a dark room both day and night. Keep the temperature cool (as possible). Keep digital lights out of sight. Silence my phone. There is no television or computer in the space. Sometimes I read until my eyes are heavy. Empty my bladder. Keep water at the bedside, just in case. Stop drinking two hours before bedtime. Eat a light snack of protein before resting. Schedule seven plus hours for the opportunity to sleep. My covers are soft. My pillow is cool and adjusts to support my neck. I use an adductor pillow between my knees when on my side and a roll under them when on my back.

I pass on the teas as that means waking to pee. I pass on the alcohol both for that reason and because it’s an expensive sleep aid that interferes with rest after a few hours. I pass on Benadryl as it causes me to feel wired and raw, as though there is a bright light shining in my brain. I pass on kava as I feel as though I am leaving my body all night long, which is distressing for me.

Which brings us to valerian. In the past I have been reluctant to take valerian as the side effects were incredibly vivid overwhelming dreams. And the kava valerian combination left me feeling insane when I came out of sleep. My reconsideration came after reading about melatonin, again. Though I had tried melatonin years ago with no success, I was willing to try again. This preparation includes melatonin, valerian, magnesium, hops, and passion flowers. I had some slow mag tablets (with calcium) I added along with naproxen sodium for my joint pain/discomfort. Oh, and my actual sleeping medication – trazadone (50 mg). You’d think that sleep would be mine, right?

For a couple of weeks I did indeed sleep. Yes, there were strange fantastical dreams but I was not deterred as “sleep is premium.” However, lately my dreams have required massive amounts of energy. Last week I spent hours running through a marble building, magnificent in structure, but apparently planted with explosives ready to go off at any moment. My first clue was the guy lighting his cigarette inside with a piece of paper and then waving the flaming bits around. I backed out the door and took off running through pillars and walkways, only to feel as if I were going in circles and then to end up confronted by the terrorist or one of them. I woke, rolled over, fell back asleep and picked up where I left off. Sadly, I woke repeatedly to find myself without a way of escape. Finally, a man told me to stay out of the light and as I ducked around a corner I met with a pistol. Men in black suits ran down the stairs directly to the pistol holding fellow and stick a shield into his chest, and he died. I thought I was safe until he stuck the same shield into my left temple. I ask, “Are you leaving me here to die?” He walked away. I woke. This time, it was for the day. Going back to sleep was less inviting and I was not interested in the rest of the story.

Yesterday, I dreamt I was a prisoner and a guard. You know how you are everyone all at once. We were connected by electrodes and for the term of the sentence we shared the experience of ballroom dancing. All out attention was focused on the couple on the floor. Whenever our attention shifted, I the prisoner got an electric shock. I, the guard, had a basketball game on my mind. It was very important that I get the prisoner free so he could play in this game. As the prisoner I sustained multiple shocks until the guard broke free from the connection and we took off running (a theme)… We end up in a warehouse. Kids. Guns. Another set of robbers. Stores. Shopping. Guys in blue suits with fresh haircuts, and the hair has been left where it fell. A jeep on a lift that’s ticking. A woman that swears I know her but will not tell me how. Attraction. Re-evaluation. Insights.

I woke exhausted. Still, sleep is premium. I have some nutty ways of being and those were rather evident to me in this set of dreams. I also appreciated the social commentary (in my head) that the prisoner and jailer are one and that the priorities of the individual often outweigh the demands of the system. I noticed my tendency to leap into feeling and situations even as I am thinking what an incredibly BAD idea this is, but feeling that I will manage whatever comes along.

Maybe that’s me. I will manage whatever comes along. I will live and move through the process. I enjoy adventure, even the crazy shite that pisses me off.  My life is full of exciting stories (from the past). I live WAY more settled these days – in my waking life. Could it be that valerian is just what I need? Yes, I feel shaken up, unsettled, knocked around, just like when I was out there carrying on. I’m okay with that, at the moment. When morning comes (which is my night), I gather my concoction and swallow with a sip of water, enjoy my yogurt,  slip into my bed clothes, and hunker under the covers. I easily forget the dreams of yesterday and give no thoughts to those which may come. My only goal, complete focus, is on a good sleep and with that, rest. I affirm my life and love, extending divine energy from heart to heart, and drift way into valerian dreams.

Toward Being Happier, Healthier and Far More Interesting

We are reaching the half point in the year and while I stopped making my list of shifts and changes for the year, I have stayed on the task of addressing them. Per previous post, I have been working daily on clearing out the “extras” of my space. Just this week, I mailed a package to my eldest containing some items I bought for her, but also several samples I have gathered over the year, and a jar of my favorite body balm. I made it. I included a favorite exercise tank I am sure she will love. At least I hope so.

Until this week I have been enjoying the wines I already own and even choose a beer instead of shopping for replacements; until this week, that is. As I have been gardening and harvesting radishes daily, I needed to find recipes that would use my produce and decided to make radish pesto and pickled radishes. The pesto required I visit the grocer for a hard Italian cheese and bread on which to serve the spread. While heading to the check out, I noticed a clearance basket with SEVERAL wines. My heart skipped a beat! Initially, I selected a Riesling and walked away. It was a different brand than I drink, but the price was right. Then I noticed Montelle Winery selections on sale. Oh, my. While my favorite, a raspberry was not in the basket, there were peach and Himmelswein, which boast as crisp and racy with the aromas and taste of green apples and lemonade with hints of peaches and apricots in the background. I couldn’t pass up a try so I selected one for me, and one for each of my friends (that I share wine with – they need their own bottles.). I haven’t tried it yet as it is the beginning of the week and I am working to limit my drinking to more relaxed times.

I made the pesto and pickled radishes for work one night. I turned out very interestingly. It was hot, as in spicy and strong as in pungent, and very aromatic. Working at my desk smelled like I was in an Asian grocery. I used to ask what in the world they were eating. I have an idea now. This is not a recipe I would repeat without specific request. I have plenty left over to pass out to my family and ANYONE who comes to visit. I have been cooking more this month and settled on spinach pie. I have made it inside a crust which was fabulous but very high calorie. Then I used shredded potatoes for the crust and it both taste wonderful and saved hundreds of calories. And of course, I have been really into my yogurt at two daily.

My workouts at the gym have been slacking for any number of reasons, though usually it’s because I need to sleep. In the choice between anything and sleep, sleep wins. I am finally sleeping well and waking with some energy to function before I return to work. These days I spend most of my free time working in the yard and garden. We had rain for days and now cooler than normal temps. The warm weather slowed the radishes. The cool has revived them. But the rain has overjoyed the weeds and they have taken a toe-hold on my land (such as it is). Of course, on the weekends I run and play with my grand-daughter.

My new and good for this time is that I have been teaching yoga, first one on one and now another has joined. I appreciate the opportunity to share yoga with others and hope that my enthusiasm with encourage them to pursue further practice, either with me or in another class. I have offered to teach at a community center and await further information.

Work had been trying this entire month and I am thankful to have the next two Fridays off. Beside the time away, this gives me four day weeks which I find deeply relaxing and freeing. One of my favorite Friday evening activities is Comedy Night at the local club. I’m thinking about dinner out. Thinking about… I have become much more impressed with cooking and saving my cash for yogurt than anything I can imagine eating out, where I live. (I do enjoy eating out in the city.)

Finally, I haven’t started a second blog for this topic so here’s a blurb instead. I have committed to feeding my world. For years I have been distressed with the price of organic produce in my area, so I decided to plant as much of my space as I could and have to date included radishes, beets, potatoes, blueberries, blackberries, raspberries, tomatoes, cucumbers, squash-summer, butternut, and zucchini, and peppers. I will post pictures of my plan and progress under a different post.

My life is good and I am grateful for all the opportunities afforded me and the support I receive. May you all be richly blessed this day and always.

Namaste

Urban Cardio or the 'Roundabout Way to Chinatown

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Eat it all. I will!

Today’s journey through the city brought us to an interesting opportunity for exploration of pies. Throughout history food has been cooked and served in a shell. Originally, meats were cooked and stored in a thick and heavy shell for transport on long journeys. The first shells were tough, inches thick, and normally leftover after meals. After having been soaked in meats and sauces they were still eatable and were offered staff, servants and the poor. As time passed shells thinned and became more flakey, pastry-like and of course, delightfully eatable.

Today pies vary as broadly as the imagination. Our stop highlights Mission Pie. Mission Pie is a bakery and café located on a corner in the Mission District of San Francisco. Z and I entered to stand at the end of a long line. Ahead we spied a glass case filled with baked pies below and tarts above. To the left, a long list of the available pies is written in chalk in the pillar and chalkboard. Mission Pies offers fruit, walnut, meat and vegetable pies. There are also Fair Trade Organic Coffees.

Got five buck?

“We opened our pie shop in the Mission District so that a person could get into the conversation for five bucks, not twenty-five.” That conversation is about eating locally and seasonally. Mission Pies supports local businesses for its fruits, vegetables, and grains. When asked why walnut instead of pecan pie, the answer is that California walnuts account for 99% of the commercial U.S. supply and pecans must travel 3000 miles for that pie.

“At Mission Pie, we look for opportunities to exchange resources in ways that are fair and transparent. We think food is truly good when it supports health and justice in our communities and our world.”

For five bucks you can get a piece of fresh pie and a cup of coffee. Mission Pie offers a relaxed space to enjoy a meal, snack, relax in conversation, or gaze out the window enjoying the ever-changing view of the dynamic city corner. As Z and I sat enjoying our Lentil Spinach Tart, we noticed the flower garden planted between the street and sidewalk, and the windows that slide open. The evening light filled the space but it is easy to imagine a mild breeze on a warm day caressing diners as they share thoughts and ideas.

I am more deeply committed to supporting and sharing in my local community.

For more information please visit www.missionpie.com.

Lenten Musings 3

As the season comes to a close, I continue to assess the choices I have made and am making daily. In the realm of letting go, I decided the best way to let go of fifty items a day was to use up the supplies I have been storing over the years. My deep freeze was full and this became the opportunity to begin cooking meals for the week, utilizing the items available, without going to the store and adding to the process.

I delayed shopping for eight days. The problem I found was that some “emergency” supplies had gone bad - expired. Seems you can’t save everything for a rainy day. So, we ate up food, threw away wasted items, recycled piles of papers, bottles, and cans I have been storing for reuse. The reality is I will get more. There is no need to save it all.

This week I returned to the store for half and half, no waiting on that. I passed on even looking at the liquor section as that is one of my major obsessions. And since I decided I would not buy any more liquor (or wine) I also stopped drinking it up. I ran out of yogurt and though I replaced my basic needs in one trip, I picked up another dozen or so today. I will be okay with that choice.

I can feel shopping. Those items above do not meet the internal need to just shop, to look, compare, then purchase. As I wade though my feelings around my relationship shift, I find that the lost of both brings up feelings of longing. I easily shift without succumbing but I notice they are connected. In the past, I comforted myself with the knowledge that life was much less expensive without a partner/lover/grrlfriend.  I always receive the best, most perfect gifts because I know exactly what I desire. And I buy for myself.

I am reading, writing, journaling, studying, praying, mailing more cards, notes and letters. I am talking to friends occasionally. More than anything, I have a deeper understanding of the side trips I have made in the last year and am taking actions to correct the directions. My have a better garden plan. I workout regularly - either at the gym, on the trail, or out and back around my neighborhood.

I will conclude the Lenten season in San Francisco with the lovely Z! We will have coffee in the city, tea at her place, share yoga at Yoga To The People. We will take lots of pictures and celebrate Earth Day together. My life is good. I imagined having a wonderful joyous experience and this is it!

Look to this day!

Namaste